The Sun Cannot Compare...

2009-11-11T22:18:00.002+08:00

MOVED TO A MUCH MORE CHEERFUL BLOG. www.foreverbymyside.blogspot.com :D:D:D:D:D

Paradigm shift.

2009-09-12T18:37:00.002+08:00

Why am i so full of pride? Why am i so full of apathy? I know what im feeling is not right, but in order to change it, i need to know why i am feeling this way in the first place. But i don't know. Not many things i know these days.

I thought i had put a lid on it. But everytime you talk to me, the lid blows open. I know everything you do is predicated on the premise that i am your close friend, but a part of me wants you to stop talking if thats all it is.

Many things to think about.

2009-09-11T22:26:00.003+08:00

Today was a pretty decent day, now that im sitting at home at the end of the day, im alittle satisfied. lol.

Not posting pictures cos i dont feel like. Went for lunch with zhao and diana in the morning at crystaljade lamianxiaolongbao in holland. great meeting up with them again.

went to play soccer at telok blangah with fairfield people.just last week, i truly thought that soccer was no longer a part of my life anymore, but jerome really reminded me. soccer will never not be a part of me. im really soccer crazy now, and i am really really hungry to improve. when i decided to quit soccer at the start of last year, i never believed i would feel this way again. Passion.I just wanna compete and fight again.

Alex! i know you're reading this, you're a great friend, seriously, i know we always make fun of you and tease you, but its all in the name of a good laugh and enjoyable fellowship! You are a wonderful friend, though we often do not treat you that way! :D

then yam bert daryl and i went to watch I LOVE BETH COOPER. its the funniest show i've watched in a super super long time. i laughed until i had a headache. lol go watch. but please, go only if u can get tickets for 7 bucks and lower. anything above that is not worth it.

How is reflecting emo? i don't think its emo. its reflective.

2009-09-11T13:26:00.002+08:00

What is happening to me? This is not who I am. This is a prayer, Lord. Change me.

2009-09-10T10:09:00.004+08:00

This video is hilarious! Tim Hawkins is cool man. more people should be like him. why cant Christianity involve humour? no where in the bible does it say a Christian shld be all solemn and moody forever. Our God is a funny God.

Check THIS out. omg man. this video redefines the word "cheesy".

2009-09-04T18:06:00.001+08:00

just wasted 2 hours of my life watching the stupidest, most meaningless, ridiculously immature movie that has ever been produced. The worst part is, after i finished watching it. i dont understand why i started.

Officially the worst photos ever posted.

2009-09-02T22:28:00.008+08:00

This post consists of the worst photos ever posted by me. Almost every single photo is blurred because people simply do not know how to steady their hands. grr. implicit in this statement is the assumption that the photos which are horrible were not taken by me. okay maybe 1 or 2. Met jasmine putu for lunch as ASTONS in the Cathay. must admit, first time ever been there. yeah go ahead laugh at me.but anw the food was not bad, but ridiculously filling i must say. the above dish was shared by jasmine and putu, i was so anxious to eat i forgot to take picture of my dish!

Joy came in the middle of our meal to join us and we went to watch THE PROPOSAL together. it was quite cool actually. it was a funny movie. worth watching! Something about the show really struck me. If you watch the show, i'm pretty sure you'll agree with me that if you were in the guy's shoes you would NEVER have imagined ending up falling in love with your bossy, push around, insensitive boss. (these words are all euphemisms, you can substitute them with the singaporean language, i.e. mixed dialects,languages, all-in-one words) But the fact is that they really ended up falling in love with each other. i know its really hollywoodish, these kinda love themes, the unexpected than fall in love nonsense. but it really got me thinking, why is it not possible it happened to us in real life? Like now we REALLY REALLY are adamant that we will never end up with that girl across the room. But really, other than God, who's to say?

After Putu and Jasmine went off, joy and i walked around plaza sing and got vanessa chocs for her senior recital, then made our way to holland to meet the other jammers for dinner!
Horrible photo. Taken by a passerby. seriously, why cant people STEADY their hands. but its my fault partially, i forgot HOW to turn on the shake thingy. not forgot to. forgot HOW to. LOL. :)
NUS High for Vanessa's Senior recital! :D

She plays the flute and piano. she's really good. i mean duh rite? thats WHY she has the senior recital isnt it.

this is the book outside the hall where you write all the well wishes and stuff. vanessa asked liesel to help her make the book. its REALLY well done. stuff sewed on and all that. liesel is really an Art genius.

JAM.

And then we went home, on the walk to the bus stop, we were really high and jumping around talking nonsense. really reminded us of Gang 1311 in the Church Retreat cos it was like the same group of people save for 1 or 2. Like it was fun and all. But there were many more things on my mind. Little pics of our high times because we used charisse's camera. i was too lazy to use mine. shld be up on facebook. maybe then i'll post one or two.

ONLY CONTINUE READING IF YOU'RE EMO/IN A REFLECTIVE MOOD.

On the bus home i was thinking to myself. I am really a creature so full of flaws that when im alone, i just CANNOT tell myself with conviction that i have strengths, that i am good for SOMETHING. Yes, seriously. when i'm with my friends, i can joke about all my strengths, how good i am, how confident i am, how much better i am compared to masses of people. But when you're alone and in the quiet. That is who you truly are, and truly, i am just a flawed being, undeserving of the Grace of God so abundantly poured on us by our Lord.

Just today alone. i was counting the number of incidents i wish i could edit vis-a-vis time travel and just remove it or correct the way i behaved. i just lost count. i really just lost count. the number of times i behaved or spoke or thought in a disgraceful manner. Its these reflections at the end of my days that really leave me speechless, that really remind me that the number of things i have to boast about is as numerous as the number of Planet Mars there are. 1. That i'm a follower of Christ.

I was just reflecting and i realised everytime i feel full of confidence and im brimming with belief in myself, i speak fast and confidently. i start to speak faster than i think. and when i dont think, i become insensitive, i start behaving in an ungodly manner, in a disgraceful manner. its really amazing how i can make the same mistakes over and over again when they are just so ridiculously close to me. the number of times i say something and i just utterly regret it the NEXT second. on the bus..

As i was thinking about all these, i was just really reminded of Simon Peter in the bible, when he first started following God, he was SO FULL of vigour and conviction, he would speak so confidently. he was the only one who answered correctly when Jesus Christ asked who he was. The one true living messiah he said. How powerful. How much faith. Of the 12 disciples he was the ONLY one who dared to ask Jesus to call him forth onto the seawaters and he actually walked on water. how amazing. It really reminded me of the passion i felt in my heart when i first became a christian in sec 3. God was really all my life desired. I really did not CARE about anything esle, and each morning i woke up with a fire burning fiercely. i fire i thought would never burn out. but one that is fading now.

how many times Peter faulted. how many times. he lost faith when his eyes moved from the Lord to the storm and he started sinking. He was always full of pride. the unwritten unofficial "leader" of the twelve disciples. Always the first to speak, more often than not, flawed words came forth because of the lack of thoughts that accompanied his words. When Jesus was crucified. That was the major incident. THREE TIMES Peter rejected the Lord. saying he was never his disciple, saying he never knew Jesus Christ. how disgraceful and shameful is that? everytime i read that portion of the bible i snigger because i think i will never do what he did. Do you know how ridiculous that thought is?

Today itself, i rejected Jesus Christ more than 20 times. yes i can even LIST the incidents. and it really just drags my heart down. But we have the Grace of God. When Jesus died for us, our sins would no longer EVER count again us. I used to admire Paul in the Bible for how steadfast he was. He ALMOST seemed perfect after he converted from Saul to Paul. He ALMOST seemed like Jesus. and i really wanted to be like him, cos Jesus is perfect but at least Paul is human. But now, more and more i see how admirable Peter is. After he realised that the prophesy that he would reject Jesus Christ 3 times came true. His passion for Christ shined brighter than ever before. He died, crucified, hung on the cross UPSIDE DOWN because he said he was not worthy to die the same way the Lord died. HOW SICK IS THAT. everytime i think of that my hair stands. goosebumps. my jaws drop. how can someone have passion for Christ as ridiculously immense as that? But i know if i keep my eyes on the Lord, and i move my eyes back everytime i am shaken, if i keep doing this till the end of time, one day, i will be like Peter.

I know right now that the Lord is using me mightily in His Kingdom. but with even greater vigour and conviction, i know that The Lord will use me for even GREATER purposes in the future. after i have matured and developed. after i have grown in the Lord like Peter did over the course of his life. How wonderful is that thought. Amen.

Praise His Holy name!

2009-09-02T01:14:00.004+08:00

I have a confession to make. I used to really think jerome was abit gay when i found out he watched sermons in his room. i mean seriously man, who doesnt think that way, i have a hard time staying awake during sunday sermons already, and this guy gets dvds of sermons to listen to? Like i'm passionate about my Christian Walk and i really want to grow closer to the Lord, but SERMONS at home??? Dude thats just gay.

these thoughts hovered around my mind all the way till yesterday afternoon when i went to his house and i watched an excerpt of one of the sermons he was listening to. crap. if thats the definition of gay, i wanna be gay EVERYDAY EVERYHOUR EVERYMINUTE and EVERYSECOND! SERIOUSLY is there ANYTHING in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD more fulfiling than recieving THE WORD OF GOD?!!!?! i say no. not a single thing. nothing comes REMOTELY close. not botak jones, not soccer, not baskeball, not spaghetti, NOT EVEN GIRLS.(Thats a hard pill to swallow for most guys, me included no joke, im not REALLY gay) but its TRUE. The Word of God is LIFEEE. Christianity is not a religion. ITS LIFE. Hallelujah.

if you wanna know whats it we've been listening to, ask jerome and me. seriously. i can assure you it will bless your heart. The Lord is willing to speak. Are you willing to listen? Not hear. Listen.

The past one week, so many things have happened to have blinded me with pride and anger. i will not pretend i have not struggled, it has been hell. and my walk with the Lord has suffered. After i lose my temper, after profanities flood my mind and lips, after pride consumes my heart, it just seems SO hard to go back to the Lord. How is it possible for me to be close to him in this state? i cant do my quiet time. im tired. He wont accept me back. im unworthy. im unclean.

NO!

That is not what i am. what i am is DELUSIONAL. 2000 years ago, when Jesus Christ died, i was made clean NO MATTER WHAT I DO. can u imagine if what i do is able to overcome the gift of forgiveness and righteousness given by our Lord Jesus Christ? i mean seriously, if there's a god like that, thats not worth following and worshipping man. a WEAK god. BUT. OUR GOD IS MIGHTY AND HIS POWER IS ETERNAL AND EVERLASTING. Hallelujah. Im really glad that i've been blessed so greatly by The Lord through the sermons Jerome lent me. This is how you differentiate a brother from a friend. Praise the Lord.

Starting to get Started.

2009-09-01T22:03:00.004+08:00

Today i went to play bball with zach yam bert and some AC friends, lol suffice to say, im not too good after not playing for 8 months. Then it rained elephants and alexyans. LOL kidding la alex. Love you. :D but it really rained ridiculously heavily, and we were just starting to get started. haha thats a cute phrase. waited ridiculously long before walking home. okay this is highly redundant. fast forward. dildhasdjlashdjashdjkdhajkdas. (thats the sound made when you fast forward.)

Met jerome,alden,alex,daryl,hannkenn,leroy for sakae buffet to "celebrate" alden's birthday even though it is light years away. i hadnt laughed so heartily and not feel that it was fake in a REALLY REALLY long time. damn, i love this group man. alden, alex and all. great guys. real and sincere. cheers honeys. no pictures taken cos i figured it wld be REALLY gay if i take pictures at an all guys outing. like seriously.

after the buffet, leroy and hannkenn left and the rest of us went to jerome's house to play winning eleven, okay anymore details would simply intensify the boring-ness of this post. thats it for the updates honeys.

Nothing can compare to the fullness experienced when the Word Of God enters your heart. Not even the girl that drives you crazy without even trying. Looks like i've finally found the solution. How ironic that it was always right in front of me. Starting to get Started.

Have you heard of this?

2009-09-01T00:07:00.004+08:00

Omg i was listening to this dvd that Jerome lent me, its a sermon by Pastor Joseph Prince of New Creation Church, and i heard something REALLY SICK (slang for awesome in my world). I have never heard it before.

When David fought with Goliath, im presuming half the world knows this story and less than half the world is reading my blog so you ALL know this story, he decapitated Goliath after the victory, in other words he cut off his head. yeah i know, rather morbid, but thats not the point. All these events took place at the Valley of Elah which is WAY WAY outside Jerusalem.

NOW, hear this, David took Goliath's head away(how messed up is that? you kill a person, cut off his head THEN take it away. omg. no, seriously i mean it, how messed up is that.) Took away the head to WHERE? David buried it JUST outside Jerusalem. That spot came to be known as the PLACE OF THE SKULL, where it was prophesized that a GREATER son of David would come and on that HILL he'll be crucified, thus conquering a GREATER Goliath, now know as SIN, for all of us. That spot was where Jesus Christ hung on the Cross.

AMAZING stuff. HALLELUJAH!

Do you have an identity?

2009-08-31T17:13:00.003+08:00

just went out with jerome to eat lunch and play some pool. im telling you, there is something about pool, 2 man pool, not 10 people "lets all take turns to shoot a ball once an hour" kind of pool, which is extremely calming. i mean seriously.

had a long talk with jerome, its just fantastic to release everything that its building up inside your heart, things that you know you shouldnt be saying, but things you know are real. things you know if you were to say it to any other person, u'd surely be judged but to your closest friends, they'll just fully understand what the hell you are going through.

on the way home i was just thinking. as Christians we always say we live for the audience of One, the Lord, that we are not supposed to care about what other people say but we live and worship freely with full knowledge that it is only God we are answerable to. but lets be realistic, how easy is that? We live in a world full of people, surrounded by people everyday, to live with disregard to the people around is just utterly ridiculous. imagine if you go around shouting and screaming everyday how great God is. what are the odds of you being arrested and thrown into jail for public disturbances?

so what are we supposed to do? we need to balance right? Right. thats what everyone does. thats why babies who have a mind of their own become idiots who walk blindly like idiots to work everyday from the time they sell their soul to the world around the time they become an adult. i've been thinking, many people say the period of 13-20 is the make or break period for a person. what kind of person he grows up to become, how influential he becomes. this period REALLY is the toughest emotionally and mentally for people. but why? isnt it because people in this age group have a mind and heart of their own? but the bloody world is telling them to sell it so they can fit in. earn some money and die without giving a damn what happens to it.

REAL growing up doesnt mean become a solemn old fogey. it means KNOWING who you are and never changing. God doesnt want you to mature by smiling less.

JEREMIAH 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you Hope and a future.

i do believe that future doesnt include losing your personality and soul. Stick true to yourself and never waver. I know myself and i dont intend to let that me change. Even if shit does come with it. If the Lord inspires you and out of the overflow of your heart, you CANT HELP but go to the streets to scream and shout how Great the Lord is. Dont hold back. if you get arrested so be it. at least you know you have a soul of your own.

Tiny disclaimer: If your heart is not centred on God/Goodness if your a non-believer. and you intend to destroy the world because ur heart tells you so. this post does not apply to you. its best you lose your soul and walk around blindly like most of the adults in this world do. cheers.

sayonara

2009-08-30T23:32:00.011+08:00

Met daryl yam and bert and went to the airport for dinner. we were going to see yuetong off for her studies in the US. we were playing smack it on yam's itouch on the mrt trip, it seems ridiculously short when ur engrossed in something.i know this is gay, but who says only girls take photos in toilets! rights equality man.
This is so funny, when we saw it from a distance we were like OMG we're gonna make the shop bankrupt, but it turns out its buy 4 get 1 free. LOL. dine for free. nice try.

what the heck is this doing in the airport? IN the airport. to attract foreign kids???
sanitiser in the LIFT. you have GOT to be kidding me.

when we saw the weighing machine we were REALLY high, so we were like what is this doing in the airport! i was thinking, maybe like if the person is too heavy, dont allow him to go on the plane. it turns out its to weigh the luggages. haha.

That hand belongs to kinshun. i.e. the reading is kinshun's weight. in Kilos.

i've seen some ridiculous ceiling designs in my lifetime. this ranks right up there.

lol i know Singapore's weather can get quite unbearable at times, but a fan this big is just ridiculous.

you see that semi circle thingy? its for jaden to stand on while pastor eric pushes ethan in the thingy.how cool is that.

Ethan ftw!

LATEST STOMP NEWS: two punks playing taptap in train like its their home.

Daryl pretending to sleep on a stranger "Bertrand". wanted to put this on STOMP as well.

we wanted to put this on STOMP and comment "Singaporean puts phone on seat to chop for friend"

Bye Yuetong! enjoy newyork!
i hate my home. if this is the way its going to be everyday, i rather spend my nights of the fucking streets.fucking blind.

2nd time you do the same thing, do you really believe in all that crap you talk about? damn, im trying but i just cant see your point of view. and we're supposed to learn from you. if you ideas of growing older means becoming more serious, solemn and a lifeless boring human being, then im sorry to disappoint cos im not going down that path. my ideas of growing up include solidifying your personality and not being wavered by this damn world. doesnt seem to apply to you.

i'm switching off. cos if i get affected by all this shit, i will only spiral further and further down. goodnight.

am i supposed to smile?

2009-08-30T15:31:00.003+08:00

Each day i see you, i respect you less. you do what you have to do because of the responsibilities on your shoulders. but other than that, there's nothing you do that begets respect. i know im not supposed to feel this way. but im a human too. not just a Christian.

Blinded by anger, draped in pride
The mind says yes but the heart says no
help me Lord.

saturday fever.

2009-08-29T22:52:00.020+08:00

Went to have lunch with yam at anchorpoint. This chawanmushi, from anchorpoint food court, is the worst i have ever eaten in my life, its just 1/5 steamed eggs and water.

look at the patterns above. yam said the wind blew it that way, then he said maybe people raked it that way. impossible. i say. crop circles.

Waiting before splash. yam and i stoning, joy and vanessa teaching chemistry. i wonder why the impression is that girls are more studious. i cant tell!

favourite drink now ftw
Today is YWAV seeker service! its like a fun service so non-believers can just come and have fun and stuff, today's one was wii gaming so there were like 4 sets all over the sanctuary and everybody was running around playing everything wii related from beijing olympics to rock band!
you say i have an obsessive compulsion to have the last say. wtf? have you spoken to yourself? You are the BEST role model for what is NOT meant to be.best ever.

i cant even look on the bright side anymore.cos theres no bright side to your obsessively big head.

jasmine joy daryl and i one team. lol yeah we super good sia. i was the drummer, i was like playing easy and i got 72%, the other 3 were doing medium or hard difficulty and all 3 were 96% and above. yup! im not bad. :D

i know im not perfect and i have pride in my heart but at least i know wtf my weaknesses are. and i fking put in effort to correct them.

wtf do you do?

my heart was right. its because i TURNED up that i know my heart was right. im sorry, i just cant agree with you this time. as disappointed as you might be, i just know that this time, we were not in the wrong.

The above behaviour is what you call the "i am leaving the country tml for studies so im high and drunk down" syndrome.

maybe because you heard the door bang so you thought it was us making the noise. i dont know about that, but wth did you hear talking? sure as hell wasnt me.

fine i was making noise when i walked in, but thats cos i thought it hadnt started yet. you're disappointed? so are we supposed to say sorry? cos im not. im sorry.

After the seeker service, went to IMM long beach restaurant for my mum's bday dinner!

cute eh. my bro did it.

This picture below is HILARIOUS, its a family restaurant, look at the packaging. weird huh.

Not in the mood to blog actually. the rest of the pictures, of many random people in ywav, are on facebook. i have not feel this way in a long long time. and i thought i was beginning to get my temper under control. this is so much worse, its just that im not showing it on the outside. goodnight.

Lord i have never needed as much help with my heart as i do now. i really really cant do it anymore. help me.

boredom makes you watch funny things.

2009-08-29T09:56:00.001+08:00

i've watched these adverts a thousand times but i doubt many others have. so enjoy!

Did i do something wrong? Cos i really dont think i did.

2009-08-28T23:59:00.016+08:00

When i woke up this morning. my body couldnt move. i felt like a tap on my head would send me body crashing to the ground. aching from head to toe. this is what happens when u play intense soccer for 5 hours, after not playing for 8 months.

after awhile i go so bored i took my camera and started taking random photos. i'm telling you my house is a gym. i used to have a treadmill. and theres a medicine ball which i didnt take picture of as well.

new com! yappy yaye yaye!
went to lot 1 to have lunch with yam. omg now that i think of it, i didnt take photos of my lunch! and im officially declaring mos burger's chicken 10 times nicer than KFC's. yes. officially.went to yam's house to chill after that. yam is really shy, as you can see from the above picture.

tsk no life ah. play xbox play until so engrossed. i was totally telling them to get a life man! sighhh...

at around 5 plus we left for church. yuetong is leaving for the US for studies so we were giving her a farewell party. like steamboat dinner in church. nothing like dinner in church. ;)

Liesel thinking to herself : OH! so thats how you pick up the corn! cool!

Chenxuan: yeah no problem ;)

Serene blinded by the light shining forth from me.

Epic. 5 mins before i took this photo, Gabby told me he was camera shy. true true. can tell.

Jenisse thinking to herself : hmm let me taste this beef to see if its really uncooked like daryl says it is. i truly believe i cooked it properly!

yam: so you see, caleb is cool and tintin's a fool.
liesel: what wisdom!

The above picture is one of the few times i saw joy eating the whole 3 hours. most of the time she was just serving. servant leadership ftw!i brought my camera so that I could have more pictures of me taken for a greater spectrum of pictures to choose from for my facebook profile picture. instead people take my camera and take pictures of THEMSELVES and the below picture is the ONLY picture of the day taken of me. omg. what is wrong with the world.

Yuetong(girl on the right), you have been a great addition ever since you joined JAM, wishing you a safe journey and a superb education in the States! dance ur life away!

i cant believe i cldnt even have a proper photo taken. today is a horrible day.

i'm really too high.Get a grip. oh did i mention, chue, yam, daryl and i went to play pool after the dinner. lets not talk about that.

Did i do something wrong? Cos i really dont think i did. There's no grey areas, only black and white, isnt that what we are taught? This IS white. No argument.

i think i'm doing pretty fine.i dont want it to remain, but its your will, not mine.

what am i supposed to say and do?

2009-08-27T23:10:00.003+08:00

Lord take it away, if its not from you. and take it away NOW Lord, NOW. But if it is your will, help me through it Lord. Lessen the Load Lord. Amen.

chem paper 1 today. last paper of my prelims. i thought it was the hardest of the 3 chem papers. and its mcq. lol. i shant speak about exams. its taboo in my world to speak about how the exams went until the results are out.

after that went to play soccer. 5 hours straight. wow. and i havent played for like 8 months! i really had difficulty keeping up man. tired and aching. time to start training. omg that rhymes.
anyway i cant possibly summarise everything thats going on in my life right now and the emotions running through my veins. sometimes you may want something, but at the same time not want it. have you ever felt that way? im feeling it now. Lord guide me.

Yuetong's farewell dinner steamboat in church tml. going yam's hse in the morning to play xbox 360. i love nba. lol. i need a life.

2009-08-26T12:17:00.002+08:00

i want to type something. but i cant. not dont know what to type. cant type. how WEIRD is that. man i really need to go imh for check up.

2009-08-20T22:13:00.001+08:00

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weird huh. all i did was control c and control v, why does it turn out so weird?

2009-08-17T21:31:00.002+08:00

God is good, God is good.

The peace that transcends all understanding.
i've truly had a glimpse of it.

You Will rescue me. Because i have called. Amen.

2009-08-16T20:38:00.002+08:00

Before 2009 started, i knew i was going to have an eventful year. eventful is good. eventful means more opportunities for God to draw me nearer to him. eventful means more learning, eventful means maturing, means growing.

When you pray for patience, God doesnt give you patience, God gives you chances to practice patience. He puts the slowest people around you so that you will learn patience.
Someone once told me that the scariest prayer to pray is "Dear God, draw me closer to you. " Because God WILL do that. He will give you the opportunities to do so. Whether you want to draw near or not. The choice is yours.

We often ask for things with our eyes fixed on the prize. we see the reward. we go for it. what we dont see, is what we have to GO THROUGH, to get that prize. Many people pray and ask God to draw themselves nearer to him. But once the circumstances flood their lives, the "opportunities" rain down on them. they cower. they crumble. they think its a competition. the strongest survives. the one who can take the most hardships draw closer to God. These people often fall. These people often come as close to God after everything as they were before. Far away.

They were right about one thing, it IS the person who can take the most hardships whom will draw closest to God. but its the one who can take the most hardships, with GOD as our guide, with GOD's strength, with GOD's grace. Not by ourselves.

At the start of 2009, i knew i was going to have an eventful year. i knew because i prayed that i wanted to draw closer to God. i prayed that i will have to opportunities to grow. In God's timing and purpose, his great plan encompasses all things. What i didnt expect. was all the "events" to happen within a period of 4 weeks before my prelims. When the things happen. i cant even OPEN my mouth to speak about it. i cant even talk about it, i cant even share it with people around. I thank God for Jerome though. A brother through and through.

my prelims begin tomorrow. Right now, i feel helpless. Tired. i feel weighed down by the unbearable load. and Yes, i have committed it to the Lord. i have said the prayers. but prayers dont take the load away. Prayers call out to Him to give you support to help you carry the Load. and He will. He will help you carry the load. But He won't take it away.

my prelims begin tomorrow. At this current point in time. i have NO thoughts about prelims in my head.As a student, exams usually occupy our minds the most. At least they should. This is how He draws me closer to him.My spirit is as weak as it can possibly get. For the first time in my life, i dare to say, i have no more energy and no more strength to push on by myself. I'm leaning on God fully. Amen. How about you?

Falling on my knees in Worship
Giving All i am to Seek Your face
Lord All i am is Yours

peace amidst the storm. amen babe!

2009-08-10T19:39:00.002+08:00

just when i was struggling with pride, i came before God and the verse he gave me is the coolest ever. its like 2345! 2 Corinthians 3:4-5. how fun.

my mother wonders why i am so proud.

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves but our competence comes from God.
2 Corinthians 3:4-5.

i wonder if i wld have any friends if i werent a christian. everytime i feel myself drifting and the "different" Caleb taking over, i immediately rush to the altar to re-commit my life to God. i wonder what would happen if i have no one to commit it to and that different me takes over. lol. thank God i'll never know the answer.

On a side note, today went to Eric and Bel's new house for a housewarming gathering, it looks like an upgraded, expanded version of the old one they rented. lol. but much nicer of course. i cannot believe i went there without my camera, and i cannot believe i am describing a gathering without the aid of pictures. i shall stop. differenciation ftw.

dont stop never give up
cos' A levels is coming soon
let the world see you mug like mad
singapore for the win
Lord, i might be a student, but im human as well. guide and lead me. i cant focus when im distracted.

why?

2009-08-10T08:53:00.002+08:00

why am i so proud and arrogant? why am i so ego-istic and self centred? apparently i wasnt made this way cos God dont make things bad, so WHY AM I LIKE THIS. omg. its like the show me myself and Irene, where there is one good guy and one bad guy in the same person. die bad guy, die.

if solomon could ask for wisdom? is humility too much to ask for?

There's a trilogy?

2009-08-07T22:18:00.006+08:00

what do you do when you want to say something because its bursting out and overflowing, yet you cant because u fear the consequences; yet you cant because there is so much at stake; yet you cant because ur afraid that once you say it out, what u feared would happen, would happen.

what will you do then?

i will bottle it, cap it tight, seal it and hide it away.
yet i hope one day it will be pulled out.

Naive realism leads to physics, and physics, if true, shows that naive realism is false. Therefore, if naive realism is true, its false. Therefore it's false. lol. i love KI, i cant believe people are free enough to think up this kinda crap. THINK it up. like, sit on the stupid chair and TA DA! i got it! nothing i know is real! LOL. what a bunch of retards. and their the smartest people on Earth. Evidently common sense doesnt correspond with intellectual abilities. either that or common sense is not very common.

Went to watch GI joe after national day celebrations today. which was the lamest thing to happen to me this year. we had 3 hours before the movie so we went to nat's house to play nba. lol. talk about bad attitude one week from prelims man. 4 of us went, nat wenjie seryang and i. nat and i loved it, wenjie and seryang hated it. thats like 50% bad movie taste rate man. its alright nat, we forgive those who cannot see the truth.

theres actually gonna be a trilogy for this thing. lol. excited as i might be, i dont see how the story can stretch.

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE - Planet Shakers

2009-08-05T22:28:00.005+08:00

I’m not gonna live by what I see

I’m not gonna live by what I feel

(Pre-chorus)

Deep down

I Know that You’re here with me

I know that You can do anything

(Chorus)

Through You, I can do anything

I can do all things

For it’s You who give me strength

Nothing is impossible!

Through You

Blind eyes are opened

Strongholds are broken

I am living by faith

Nothing is impossible!

(Bridge)

I believe, I believe

I believe, I believe in You

lol.

2009-08-04T18:01:00.002+08:00

i have a fetish for the word... no the wordS "L O L". something about it attracts me. short. sharp. straight to the point. easy to type. convenient. love it.

i am beginning to speak like a geek. been watching too much big bang theory. way way too much.

i open my mouth, yet silence engulfs me.

2009-08-02T22:43:00.004+08:00

so many things i want to say. yet these are the very same things i cannot say.

so many times we have things on our minds, bursting to be spilled out, we know with certainty that the very moment these words leave our mouths, a ton is lifted off our shoulders. we know very well the rewards far outweigh the consequences. they are both intangible, yet the latter seems so much more significant.

sad isnt it. sad.
silence is golden.certainly not now it isnt.

I want to eat something i am not sick of.

2009-08-01T23:47:00.002+08:00

after i recovered from my week long sickness on monday, tuesday to friday was the most hiong 4 days of school i've had in a long long time. i REALLY almost died of mental rigour. madness, it was like like a bullet train i was holding on to via my non existent finger nails.

anyway the pace is started to slow down and im getting pretty steady right now. you know what the worst part is? its gonna start picking up again, no wait, its STARTED to pick up again. yeah after like afew hours of slowing down. -_-' tell me about it man.

when ur life is boring and eventless, u feel urself wasting ur life away and u wish something wld happen. when everything's happening at the same time, u feel messed up. i feel messed up now. lol. this is what happens when u pray "Dear God, bring me closer to you". you know he doesnt REALLY do it rite? he just allows you to have 4 million trials, which END up, preferably, closer to him. i love being a Christian.

everyday i wake up feeling below 100%, i go to sleep feeling desperate. my bed is an electro magnet that has an attraction power so strong, the pole at the other end will destroy any repulsion force existing between the magnet and i and suck me in like a black hole. i have no idea what i am typing, and i just did a facebook quiz on what kind of NS recruit i will be. ideal. interesting.

i want to eat something i am not sick of.yes, in Singapore.

sick of being sick.

2009-07-27T18:27:00.002+08:00

okay update update update

had mc from tuesday to friday last week and today too!
last monday night i had trouble sleeping, lots of pain in my abdomen area, woke up and felt like somebody made me drink a cup of virus juice. u get it la huh. worst i've felt in 2 years. NO joke.
ladaladalada. saw a doctor each day from tuesday to thursday. lol thursday being in the hospital.got x-ray and blood test done, quite cool. cos the first two doctors said it might be appendicitis.

turns out its not, its just severe food poisoning and gastric flu. two in 1. BAM. its the worst i have ever felt and i never want to feel like that again. u know its fine to be sick if it knocks you out? the worst thing about this past week, i cldnt even sleep, pain wakes me up every like 1, 2 hours. yeah. but its over and its 3 weeks to prelims. cool ah. missing one week of school a month before prelims when everyone is in full gear. now thats what i call good timing. ;)

time to catch up babe.

there's nothing my God cannot do.

2009-07-20T15:57:00.003+08:00

today i learnt something new, not really learnt la. i was just sitting down and it came to my mind.
here it is......

God blesses those who walk with him!

omg!haha u must be thinking im retarded, any OTHER retard in the world already knows this right? but have you realised that when there is something major coming up, we tend to pray multiple multiple times because we are nervous, scared etc etc? like O levels. before the paper, im sure a christian prays on average 5 times before the paper starts. dear God please help me, help me help me help me help me... is that 5? okay anw, yeah! why?

can u imagine ur asking ur friend for help, and you KNOW that ur friend will help you, like confirm must chop because he's the loyal type, know what i mean? hint hint me me. lol kidding. but yes, imagine that, u keep asking him so many times, whats the msg u sending? ur telling him that ur afraid he will forget to help you rite? ur telling him you dont really trust him to accomplish the task perfectly rite?

why do we trust him so little? He's our God.

i will not be distracted. i will not lose focus. i dont know if this is called getting my priorities right. but i guess for now it is.

wobbly weakly

2009-07-18T15:36:00.004+08:00

My bro just bought this new damn expensive camera, it costs like a high 3 digit sum, its quite cool, so i just asked him help me take these random pictures. lol. indigestion sucks.

calm and composed. lets all eat slow together.

2009-07-17T21:08:00.001+08:00

left house for math refresher course. its not bad actually, Gan's mother taught and she's damn funny and her explanations are super clear. now thats what i call a good math teacher. countless ones who could learn from her man.

after refresher course met yam and we went to ABC market for dinner, lol we sat at the "sentosa" table. its the table that a whole group of us sat at when we went there for dinner during last december after we went to sentosa, what awesome times those were. guess what i ate, the chicken chop we ALL ate and the hokkien mee that covered our entire table. haha miss those times, when i really didnt care about anything other than my friends and having fun.

frustration blinds. is it the weather? is it the food? when the sky seems darker than usual and i cant hear what he's trying to say.

Danger.

2009-07-17T14:30:00.002+08:00

im tired, frustrated, helpless and irritable. therefore im not in the "haha everybody make fun of me so that we all can have a good laugh" mood. therefore i might blow up if anyone gets on my nerves. its been a long long time since i've felt this way. like a different side of me, like the hulk. damn it.

whats with the roller coaster? one moment you do this one moment you do something esle. i think i'm just gonna ignore you, its starting to get irritating. you too.

School is freaking tiring now, and i feel extremely moody and touchy. right now i wish i can teleport to a lone island with a small house that has aircon, a computer, a basketball court, a comfortable bed and blanket, my bible and nothing esle. maybe a pool table and ONE or TWO friends. everything esle right now is just irritating the hell out of me.

2009-07-16T19:12:00.002+08:00

look at these cool pictures i found. lol random i know, but nice nonetheless!

im damn tired. really really tired. how do THEY do it. damn.

have you ever asked yourself the question, is who you think you really are, who you really are? lol cheem cheem. omg. seeing the word cheem makes me think of chem. all is lost, the world is ending.

i seem to be a different person before i run, and during my run. strange strange indeed...

2009-07-15T21:02:00.001+08:00

damn i love this song man

Matthew 11:28

2009-07-15T20:21:00.003+08:00

Levelisation of Friends

Level 5: People you know and have seen before but you dont say hi to. aware of existence.

Level 4: People you nod ur head at if you're a guy and smile at if you're a girl

Level 3: People whom you have fun with, i.e. in ur big clique, but you're not really "one on one" friends with the person him/herself

Level 2: You know who he/she likes and the person knows who you like. and thats ALMOST all you talk about. Yall are really close, but if you think about it, besides ur crushes, theres almost nothing esle to talk about.

Level 1: More than friends. almost a like a brother and sister. first person u call when ur depressed, first person you sms when something big happens in ur life.

early this year i watched made of honour with my cell, but recently i watched it again since i have it. and i think its really interesting. its like the protagonist had a best best best best friend, who happened to be a girl i.e. opposite gender la. so they were best friends all the while but when the girl was going to get married, the guy realised that he actually liked her and started chasing her. blah blah the story ends they get together, really happy ending; but is that what will happen in real life?

alot of people have platonic relationships i.e. friendship with the opposite gender without going into the "i like you" crap. but most of the time when two people like each other, isnt it because they click really well and its real fun being together? i classify the made of honour protagonists as Level 1 friends, and i think the guy really has guts. i honestly believe girls have this inbuilt mechanism in their heads that say "you are my good guy friend, i will never like you". LOCK IN COMPUTER. then when the guy likes them, which really isnt all that surprising, they get shocked and :O :O i cant talk to you ever again, "virus has appeared in computer, file malfunctioning. DELETE". but the protagonist had the guts to chase the girl, did he not think, what if i fail? Level 1 friends come by rarely, most of the time in a person's life, he will only have max 2 or 3 of such friends, regardless of gender. so did he not think that if he chased her and failed, that perhaps he might have lost a very precious Level 1 friend???

lol obviously we all know if that was the storyline, hollywood would be bombed the next day. but aint it a thought worth thinking? lol. this is my suggestion, guys should install a similar mechanism into their computers. its called "emotion controller", its very effective, when ur with the girl, enter command "i am gay". of course, please remember to delete file upon non-contact with girl. you dont wanna lose ur girl bffs, but you dont wanna lose ur guy ones either! :D:D:D:D

Through you i can do anything
I can do all things
Cos its you all gives me strength
Nothing is impossible
-Planet shakers, Nothing is impossible

There is nothing on my mind now other than God, NS and studies.
Seriously?

the countdown to hell

2009-07-14T16:22:00.003+08:00

tuesday is supposed to be my slackest day of the week other than friday. then why the heck am i so tired? today i was really dead, by the time school ended my eyes were half shut.

then again, after school i went to run, so i cldnt have been THAT tired. but now that i've come back from my run. i AM really very tired. lol evident from the nonsensical manner in which i am blogging. for the first time in my wretched jc life, i did work, yes PROPER work in the ridiculously long break i have every tuesday morning, then i went for econs consultation. GASP, other than KI in which consultations i usually do not volunteerily request for, i have never gone for a single other consultation. yes, i am shocked too. looks like i am entering THE mode. yes, THE mode.

the one where i sit and study and i look up and my watch and realise that 3 hours have passed and i feel extremely satisfied. disclaimer. i THINK i am ENTERING THE mode. i have NOT entered THE mode. so for you all who are going "gasp! caleb is studying, things are getting grimmer, better cancel all my meals to prepare for hurricane Alevels!", halt your sheeps and relax. theres more to life than studying. :)

running is tiring. and i suck at it. officially. im a wuss in a boy's body. i was tired after running 1.6km. yes scream and shout, im gay! time to start training. evidently volleyball is not a very strenous sport. lol.

im sitting of my black chair of wisdom in my room of the undead and im thinking..

What is a "friend"? Who is YOUR "friend"? i dunno why but i just started thinking about it recently. weird question to ask because we all seem to have A best friend, and that 2 or 3 or 12 or 13 big clique. but so often when i sit down with a person and the conversation drifts off to friends. people will say "come to think of it, im not even really that close to blah blah, we just hang out together forever and have fun." lol. so who are your friends?

i once said i wish i didnt have emotions. true, the highs are exhilarating and come on, who doesnt like the feeling of joy, of pure ecstacy because ur friends treat you like a king on ur birthday, who doesnt enjoy the euphoria when ur cinderella tells you she loves/likes you too.

but what about the time when you wait forever for her and one day you realise that she's really been just, JUST a friend all along. what about the day you find out you've flunk ur A levels after 2 years of hard work, yes, hard work. what about the day you find out that ur father or mother has cancer. what about that day?

whose gonna support you when ur falling down what seems like the bottomless pit. whose gonna stand beside you when ur studying forever and you feel that you're wasting every second of your life and the stress starts to weigh like a million tonnes. who will you call when that time comes? is it worth it then? i used to think it wasnt. now i think it is. afterall, what are friends for.

but then again sometimes friends fail. :)
joshua 1:9.

pissed.

2009-07-13T20:51:00.003+08:00

im pissed. i just spent the last 1 hour trying to figure out why stupid imeem does not allow me to play the full song on my blog but some stupid 30 seconds preview. WHO WANTS TO LISTEN TO 30 SECONDS OF ANY SONG!. gosh. and i think imeem has changed its policies so that full songs cant be played outside of imeem. NO......................... if anyone knows how this can be corrected, let me know.

and i was in a good mood today somemore. wth man. dont feel like typing anymore. how the small trivial things affect my mood. i cant believe i have a 30 seconds song on my dumb BLOG. ARGHHHHHHHH.

2009-07-10T20:53:00.002+08:00

today, for the first time in 3 years, i cried. i cried like i never cried before, the last time i remember crying so badly was in sec 3 january when i was going through hell and God touched me. i poured like a baby, and i couldnt even hold it back. i was trying so hard to hold it back in, but it just kept pouring.

why?

i was doing nth so i decided to watch a movie and i randomly took out this dvd from my bro's collection and it was titled FREEDOM WRITERS, yeah take that down. its the story of this woman who works in a hotel, she decided to be a teacher and because she was new, she was sent to this delinquent class. you know how you watch shows where a single person made a difference and stuff? the thing is, this movie is a true story, every single portion, and its based on a book. the journey from which the teacher entered this class of rebellious confused teens to the end where the teens become adults, developing into true men and women that society need, is just absurdly amazing.

i cant even describe what i felt, i dont even know if there ARE words that can describe what i felt. i might be exaggerating, might not, but i guess no one will even know for sure until they watch the movie. when i first saw the trailer 2 years ago, i was thinking, what the heck is this movie. im not gonna watch it for sure, 5 stars...... for being boring! But darn, how wrong am i man. how wrong am i.

i know it sounds cliche and like oh blah blah another life changing movie. wow big deal, i rather watch hannah montana and stuff. but before u have any other thoughts, i only have one, PLEASE watch it. u can borrow it from me :)

you're alive. But are you living?

scary.

2009-07-10T13:49:00.002+08:00

you know what scares me the most? its my ability to be anybody i want, anytime i want, anywhere i want. its scary. its really really scary. and you know whats worse? whats worse is that i regret after everything happens. i regret being the person i was, i regret doing what i did and saying what i did. and the WORST part is. while im in that "mode", im enjoying myself. scary.

2009 has arguably been the most eventful year of my life. in both the bad and good terms. and the major event is still 5 months away. i cant wait. 2009. what a year. scary.

interesting.......

2009-03-12T14:46:00.000+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Lord Reigns!

2009-03-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

today was an amazing day. i woke up with a resolution, that i have screwed up my life enough and i wanna make the best use of it from now on to glorify God, i think i have let God down long enough and it really is time to wake up.

i woke up at 9am and for the first time in my jc life, i did work on a saturday morning, not just afew questions, i did 2 essays and my chem weekend homework. on saturday MORNING. thats more than i have done on a full saturday, in the past 1 year and 3 months. yeah, im still in shock.

then i went to church for youth, when i went into worship, my heart was stone-cold and i had no desire to be there whatsoever. singing cheery worship songs that require to clap and sway. and i was thinking, im so not in the mood for all these, but then i thought back about how in the past, when my walk was off alittle and i didnt feel like doing quiet time and that kinda stuff, i'll just let it pile up and my walk would turn horrendously wrong, so i just pushed myself and forced myself to focus on God.and i started singing, and before long i was crying.

during the verse "when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm..." there was a crazy crazy thunder storm outside and the thunder was really really load, i just couldnt storm crying, it was as if God was talking to me, i just couldnt hold my emotions back. and im really glad that was the case.

after youth, i went to have dinner with lejon, and we had such a great talk, its amazing to have friends like him who is somewhat like an older brother to me. the things he say at times just fill me with awe at how mature a christian he is and how much i have to learn from him. but all Glory be to God.

after coming home, i ate dinner and napped awhile cos i was really tired, then i finished my KI long essay which i had been procrastinating for a long time. but that was after i did quiet time.
What is deemed a failure/obstacle by the world, was meant as a stepping stone for us by God.
is that not true?
Romans 8:37 In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
God is really gracious. vulgarities have recently entered by life little by little because of how competitive and hot-tempered i am, so during volleyball trainings, i really cannot take it, even though i mouth it under my breath, it has become more and more prominent. but still God is willing to hold me close and forgive me.

I really think i have been wasting the past 17 years of my life slacking and TRYING to enjoy life when really all i have been doing, is messing myself up. Thank God i have awaken, and hopefully i stay awake for the rest of my life.

Dear Heavenly Father,
i thank You for constantly being there to watch over me and always forgiving me and holding me tight even though i let go off You for the things that dont matter. I pray that you will help me to change my ways and make me a disciple that glorifies and honours Your name. I thank You for the friends You have placed around me to remind me of my faults and my shortcomings. i pray that You will use me for Your great purpose in Your kingdom and You will guide me to do everything according to Your will. i continue to pray for my friends and family that You will bless them and raise them up that we can all glorify Your magnificent name.
All these i pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I am awake.

2009-03-02T22:37:00.002+08:00

relax people, lol im not dying of sadness, but thanks for the concern people :) I am Caleb! Cool And Loving, Enthusiastic boy! i really move on fast people, so relax, its not as bad as it might sound, you know the whole deal about how written words simply cannot portray the emotions of a human! lol.

anyway im floating now, with no specific direction, i seem to be waiting for something, but i dunno what in particular. lol im cool with my current mode. no events, no activities, nothing spectacular, just relaxing and enjoying what free time i can get, which is like no free time. LOL.
Singing Jesus i love you, oh yes i really do, like the air that i breathe, you are everything to me! ooooohhhhhh.....! :D
jerome, catch up soon yo, after my exams are over, stay alive before we meet up! lol. :D:D
bestie says give up. others say continue to push on. what do i say?

pictures of you pictures of me

2009-02-27T23:35:00.002+08:00

so much has been happening. its getting tougher and tougher to keep up with the emotional load that comes with being a teenager, im finding myself more and more confused at things i thought i was once in control of, i find myself experiencing "split personality" when im an entirely different person at different times, i wouldnt say a hypocrite, my values remain the same, i know what i must and must not do, but im just a DIFFERENT person. different in personality, but my character remains the same.

yet at the same time i know my character is degrading, things are moving at such a speed i find myself lacking the time to sit down and re-evaluate everything that has been going on, and what are my piorities in life.i feel like i've been wasting my day. just a couple of days ago when i was walking home, i just started wondering to myself "i wanna go out tml" and i looked thru my phone contacts and i started thinking about people i could ask and i came up with no names. lol i know i have 2 or 3 true friends in my life. but other than that, i almost have no "close friends". lol its quite sad actually.

jasmine from my class said im a floater, and its so true eh, i so totally agree with it. and she asked me why, if it was like past experience and stuff, and that actually hit a raw nerve, i dunno if it really is because of past experience or what not, but i never did really think about it that way, i always thought i was just trying to make more friends and have fun, after all. but the past experience thing actually got me thinking. maybe its true. the phrase "dont put all ur eggs in one basket" just became extreme.

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Today was ACS 123rd founders day, went to school in the morning, had service , prize presentation all that nonsense, ended quite early, right after we unveiled the SMILEY! :D "we" being the student council, guests of honour, OGLS and student leaders. it was quite cool being with the OGLS again. still will never forget orientation. we said hi for probably the 6th or 7th time since last week. i was actually serious about it, but after what i heard, im still serious about it, im seriously considering giving up. i wldnt say "giving up", i think thats an inappropriate phrase, but i doubt anything required this amount of effort if it were really mutual, im so tired im almost burnt out. i really dont understand what went on, i just hope that one day u'll tell me everything, everything that went on in ur mind, maybe it'll be too late, but better late than never.

i wanna slow down already, im feeling very tired, i just wanna stay at home away from crowds, away from you, just to think about whats been going on, just to take a break and get my life back on track. i know you'll probably never read any of this, lol, all the better then.

if friday the 13th TRAUMATISED you, i would have appreciated it if you told me. straight in the face.

The best week of my school life.

2009-02-10T23:05:00.003+08:00

the past 2 weeks have really been a crazy time, and if i may say, the best 2 weeks of my life in jc so far, in fact, i'd go as far as to say my best time in school in... as far as i can remember?? lol the last 2 weeks have been focused mainly on orientation 09 and i must admit my decision to apply to be an ogl has turned out to be one of the best decisions i've ever made, i will never forget my experience as an OGL, and call it brainwashed if u want, but i really think i love AC now! :D

the past week was orientation 09, monday to thursday being games, friday OGLs had to go back for lessons while J1s had mock lectures then at night was campfire!!! :DD Mrs Chan, our principal gave OGLS the following monday off, like a holiday for our contribution to the school and alot of us went out to watch movie and stuff. man the past week has really been a blast man. i love my OG ARAGORN!! they're all super fun people man. even though they took quite a while to warm up to each other, thats typically of all j1s, but im really glad they grew together! ARAGORN SMACK THAT! :D :D :D :D

now that orientation is over, and lessons have started again, something inside me just feels amiss, its like our the best one week in my school life, i need to go back to studying, to catching up for 5 days of lessons missed. even though orientation was tiring and EXTREMELY stressful to the body, i will never exchange it for anything. the OGL friends i've made, the bonding i had with my OG, the times the OGLS spent early at 6am in the morning and late at 12.30am in the morning hahaha..., those were unforgetable times, my only hope is that we will stay together with this common experience at the back of our head. AC OGL 09, LIVE THE LEGACY!

pictures are all in facebook, LOTS OF EM! Once an OGL, Always an OGL!

2009-01-19T23:01:00.002+08:00

haha not updated for awhile, i think i've started the school term on a good note, a much better note than the previous years, God is really good, i guess the reason why i'm feeling so good in school is directly related to how im keeping my walk on track during this period of time, quiet time is just too essential, so is prayer, just gotta keep it up, God never forsakes.

been very busy during this period of time, alot of school stuff, training 3 times a week, OGL training and stuff, i must say i enjoy my clan, CRUSADERS, its honestly tiring to be all high energy and stuff as much as people say im a crazy person. lol even my mind and body has its limits. but i really enjoy the company of my clan OGLS, crusaders all the way!

volleyball team, you know what? we're starting to train like we actually know how to play volleyball, lol its been almost a year, less than a year la , 7, 8 months, and finally our trainings starting to look decent, like we're actually a VOLLEYBALL team. haha God is good, this is why we pray every training, he'll bless and when he does, you wont even know it till the blessings overflow.

things are cool now, church is as always with the accountability group thingy, honestly im not all optimistic about it, but God will reveal in his own timing what his purpose is, things always work out. thats my motto. ;) nothing much i can say really, not many updates to update, lol sorry jerome. my life is scandal free.

2009-01-09T23:25:00.003+08:00

after the horrid past few weeks, been thinking and trying to get my walk with God back on track, been doing my quiet time and meditating not just reading and rushing off, and its true that God really doesnt turn his back on those that want to seek him or turn away from wrong ways to want to come back to him. its really true :)

anyway wednesday thursday and today, 3 days of ogl camp(day camp) 8am to 8pm but all 3 days end at different timings, all earlier than stated, but still extremely tiring, it really kills you man, but at the end of the day everyone's still screaming and jumping, i guess its really a choice, mind over body. ARE YOU TIRED? :)

ogl trng camp is fun the least to say, wldnt call it a blast cos im really tired, but if its one thing i wldnt miss the camp for, its the friendships that i've made, espacially with my clan mates, CRUSADERS! bout half of them or slightly more, were strangers to me before, but now we're friends, and its cool to make new friends, feels like a less intense version of CCAAB cos we're all sorta "leaders" anyway. and its cool la its cool, espacially today, after the camp ended we went to holland v for dinner and it was fun, it was good stuff. :)

verse of moment

As they make music they will sing,

All my fountains are in you.

Psalm 87:7

All our "sources of life" are in him.

2009-01-05T21:41:00.002+08:00

you know ur having a bad run of luck in the past few weeks when

1. u fall of a bike and injure urself in sentosa
2. u drop ur phone while on a bike in sentosa 4 days later(and the phone spoils.)
3. u have arguments with 2 million people
4. ur parents slam you all of a sudden for something u've been doing since the beginning of time.
5. u get blisters while playing basketball when u never get blisters while playing barefooted since the beginning of time
6. u get splinters in ur hand from wooden CHOPSTICKS. ridiculous.
7. u get diarrheoa from eating pizza
8. if only the lakers lost to portland then i'd have another item to add to the list.

what i need now is a sabbatical. (hey living is hard work too!) like some 1 year away from people in isolation. how is it possible that i start every year in such an amazing manner, its almost as if God's talking to me like "hey most people are great starters and bad finishers, so im gonna make u different, ur gonna suck at starting so u'll finish with a bang!"

i'm obviously angsting. i hope 2009 doesnt last forever, cos im sure not optimistic. whoever reads this, pray for me.
i dunno where Caleb's gone.

Happy new year!

2009-01-02T00:38:00.004+08:00

one year has passed, grown alittle older, grown alittle taller, when u look back, u just cant believe u used to be THAT young.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

on 31st december wednesday, qbc (my church) had watchnight service for people to give thanks and share about their lives as well as countdown to the new year. before the service at 8, my cia(cell) JAM had potluck dinner in church, it was quite fun la, and the food was good, i'll give that!

yam came back to Singapore in the early afternoon so bert yam and i went to west mall to get vanessa's birthday present whose birthday is on the 31st decemebr. oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANESSA! oh yeah i forgot to say, welcome back yam, as corny as it may sound, u were missed, greatly, so its great to have you back :)

on the way to westmall, jenisse said her mum didnt allow sleepover at her house anymore, we were originally planning that after youth leaders said no sleepover in church this year, i wasnt unhappy or anything, lol i was like okay, but jenisse was pissed man, so i can totally emphathise man. but anyway in the end, auntie phui fan lent us one of her multi houses that had no tenants to have our sleepover, it really was quite fun to be honest, more than 10 people, and we were just chilling and having fun man, a great way to spend new year really.

a couple of us spent the whole morning up and ended up sleeping around 7am, lol we slept till 11 and we went to tiong bahru plaza to eat lunch before going to play bball and going home again, pretty lazy to blog details because its quite late now, when i got home from auntie phui fan's house it was just in time for dinner, after dinner, i spent some time on the computer and i just konked out man, i woke up just awhile ago, the time now is 12.57am 2nd january, and im supposed to go sentosa with the guys today, ridiculously tiring, lets hope it all works out, after all, we're all growing older, these times together arent gonna last forever.

yesterday

2008-12-30T15:02:00.002+08:00

yesterday i went to sentosa with the 4 lau sisters, timmy, zach lejon bert and yuetong, it was the most retarded outing to sentosa i have ever had in my life i tell you.

we were spose to meet at harbourfront mrt at 10.30am, lau sisters left their house at 10.25, timmy and i left queenstown at 10.30 and yuetong reached harbourfront at 9 plus. when we all gathered, it was 11.30. talk about punctuality.

the day before i suggested bringing monopoly to sentosa and we can play on the beach, cos it wld be so fun. it was the stupidest idea i have ever suggested in my life. when we reached sentosa, i opened the monopoly box and found there were no dice. so timmy took out his poker cards and used ace to queen as 1 to 12 and we just pick a card as our dice. gosh i already feel stupid typing about this. it was so dumb we got bored after 2 rounds.

then we played volleyball for 5 mins. captains ball for 10 mins, bridge for 4 minutes, and sat around and stoned. then charisse delisse elisse bert and i went to get food from 7 eleven. cup noodles in sentosa.. hm. great.

then charisse delisse and i went to rent bikes, and my bike was seriously messed up, i fell down twice, the first time when i was during a sharp turn on sandy concrete, the 2nd time when i was doing a sharper turn on sandier concrete. my injuries aint that bad, but its the worst ive had in years, i've got good fortune not getting injured, i guess falling of a bike 2wice shows my luck's running out. lol.

then we went to ABC brickworks hawker centre to eat dinner, its behind the ikea in queenstown, whoa, was my best meal in a long time i tell you, we were all eating like babarians, cept the sisters, lejon timmy zach bert and i were just ENJOYING man. we ALL spent like more than 10 bucks each. and u have to consider that its hawker centre prices, and the portions are way larger than normal places, in other words, we ate, ALOT.

was a fun day, but my injuries hurt lol who cares la huh. the year's ending, we're all growing older, im going emo. shucks. during the bus ride to ABC, charisse was talking to me about pastor eric talking to excons about relationships and stuff, got me thinking alot.
i may have gone alittle too far, but its never too late to stop.

2008-12-25T23:24:00.002+08:00

HEY everybody! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YALL!

today i woke up late for church service, i reached church AFTER the service ended. just in time to get all my presents. NO i did not plan it, i overslept and nobody woke me up, i was LOOKING forward to the service hmph.

anyways my father's side family came down to singapore, my father's two sisters and his brother so it was like 19 people altogether wow! and to be honest it was one of my best christmas-es in recent years, i dunno why but it was really awesome, interacting with cousins and stuff, and to be honest, my siblings and i arent really close to my cousins, but today we really talked and just laughed and it was just a great time man.

we had lunch then we spent the whole day walking around vivo, then went for dinner at arcadia, then we went back to the hotel where my uncle and auntie were staying and we just talked nonsense, watched tv and laughed lol, really an awesome christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONCE AGAIN TO YALL OUT THERE :D
and kimberly by the time you find my blog its probably year 2100, :) merry christmas 2100!

still no push to blog man, prolly gonna close it soon or sth. lol.

2008-12-22T23:41:00.004+08:00

i just realised, the last time i posted was one month ago. where have i been?? what have i been doing??? okay i'm like talking to myself. man its been a mad ride the past month, i dunno where to start, i dont feel like typing, i dont feel like talking and i sure dont feel like blogging.

but since i have nothing to do anyway, might as well. havent been taking pictures and when i do , its all been posted onto facebook, yeah im into facebook now yeah, lol ever since i created facebook for ccaab pictures. so pictures from jenisse's birthday dinner, my taiwan trip, volleyball's sentosa trip and soon to be posted ywav camp photos, all up on facebook yeah.

with that i basically summed up everything impt that has happened over the past month. dunno what have i been up to, but seriously, everything other than physically, i've just been floating aimlessly like a ghost, and its sad, really sad. got my piorities all wrong, got the order all mixed up, lol i dunno whats impt to me now really, i mean, cept for God, everything esle is just a blur, and to be honest, im not all that holy polly. my eyes were opened during ywav camp, and seriously man, i've got some work to do.

i doubt anyone comes here anymore since i've not been blogging for so long. hahah is good, dont see no problem with it, cos i'm not posting no exciting entry here, im just a bored guy with nothing to do. i went to play soccer and eat dinner with jerome and company yesterday. he asked me what are the 4 most important things in my life now. NOW, at this current moment. i said God jerome Jenisse Jeremyam. of course things arent gonna always remain this way, but for now thats the way it is, in no particular order with regard to the latter 3.
i hope you like my christmas present for you.the truth

When thirst does not bother
Rivers and oceans surround
When plants begin wither
Not a well can be seen around

We cant stop for a rest
Knowing time waits for none
Almost seems like life’s a test
Too many things to be done

This nightmare never seems to end
Agonizingly each step we take
Guiding us, an invisible hand
Leading us all the way till we awake

The first 2 verses describe how i feel now, extremely tired, 80% emotionally, 20% spiritually, not gonna lie about it man. the last verse describes what i KNOW. God will deliver me, you, us, like he's always done.

Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged,

be strong and courageous

for the Lord your God

will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

been a long while..

2008-11-27T22:35:00.002+08:00

been super long since i last posted eh. for that matter its been super long since i've last VISITED this blog, no motivation, no drive to do anything, im like a floating ghost.. lol..

nothing to blog about, maybe one day i'll start blogging again, hi daniel and all the people who have been tagging, yes aiwee................

what am i supposed to do now? im tired of running.
after you or away. 2 paths.is it the time to give up?

why are we so weak.

2008-11-17T11:36:00.003+08:00

i realised i have not posted for the longest time ever, not been updating, basically i've not even been coming to my blog. alot of things have been happening and i've simply had no mood whatsoever to come and pen down what has been going on in my life.

well PW oral presentation is over, chinese A levels is over, volleyball training has restarted, i became an ogl, we're gonna re-begin our ywav camp planning because the camp theme has been changed, yam's birthday just passed HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Jenisse's birthday is coming, Eric and Bell's wedding is coming, my grandma's birthday is coming.

those are just small little updates. to be honest, i dont even know why i didnt feel like blogging all this while, its almost as if blogging puts me off. My walk with God has been in its worst state ever the past month, but i know at the end of the day, all it takes is a conscious effort and discipline to return to God that will get me back on track, cos God never forsakes. i've been trying very hard to get back on track, to re-ignite that flame, and maybe thats the problem, doing all of it myself and not committing to God.

this committing to God thing struck me really hard as i was walking down the street last week, its like all we need to do is commit everything to God, and really, God will just TAKE CARE of everything FOR REAL, im not kidding, you will feel peace, love and most of all hope that at the end of whatever ur going thru, all will be well. But we just simply cannot commit it to God, we just cant let go! WHY! i must really confess, as far a christian can drift away from God after being born again, i think i've done it man, and i really regret, but my testimony has just been horrible but i know God's waiting for me to come back, and i will go back.

you know if ur backsliding, will you go back?

2008-10-28T19:39:00.002+08:00

wow i havent posted for THAT long eh. interesting... soooo many things have been happening in the past few weeks i've just had no time to sit down and reflect and think about stuff. but now that holidays has started, i think i really need to re-evaluate my life and my walk.

the past few weeks, have been training hard in vball, i think the team is starting to look like a team, starting to play tgt and play ball. of course we still have an extremely extremely long way to go before we will reach A div level but every journey needs a first step right.

hmm previously got back results, moving on... things have just been such a blur, and my walk has been really off, and i pray i'll get back. the funny thing about all this is that we get to make the choice to go to God, its us that causes our walks to be so off track, yet we never seem to go back.

now planning for church camp, hmm i really dont know what to say man, many many things have been going on yet i cant put a finger to it, i cant put them on paper, its weird huh. how there are a million things happening but u have no idea what they are.this is the end of JC1.

how things have changed....

2008-10-16T19:20:00.000+08:00

now that the picture is so much clearer, i'll wait! as long as it takes. i'll wait. i just pray it all works out. but im happy now. i really am. THANK YOU GOD.

2008-10-13T23:37:00.002+08:00

i really want to share everything that has happened the past 5 days starting from thursday morning where we set off to jalan betera for the camp(i think thats how u spell it. lol.) all the way till sunday night when we were released and today when we had our dinner ceremony and officially graduated from ccaab camp(cca advisory board), to become the leaders of ACJC.

this experience has just blown me away. i went NOT wanting to go, my mind was all about who in the world wants to go for a stupid leadership camp. i miss ywav, i miss sunday service, my church friends, i miss thursday and friday AC games. but i dont regret, and i never will. This is the first camp ever that i would dare say i would bring home something other than memories. the values and lessons learnt. im totally blown back by what God has done to me through the camp and participants.

the best camp i've ever been for. EVER been for. words just cannot describe how i feel. i just praise God for humbling me as much as he has. i feel weak, i feel hurt, sad and disappointed with myself. but i also feel proud, happy, confident and optimistic. i know the road ahead is amazing and glorious if i will just learn from my mistakes. oh how i wish i could go back and re walk that path. but i know God meant it exactly for what he did, and i will follow, i will listen.

its alright to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them.

TEN BOOM. We'll blow you away.
CCAAB 2008. We will lead.as we follow.
thank you Lord father in heaven. hallowed be thy name.

CCAAB camp

2008-10-12T23:08:00.003+08:00

i went with the intention to dominate, to shine, to be a "star", but God had other plans. he wanted me to be humbled. i went with the intention to lead, but God had other plans. he wanted me to follow. this is the first camp in my life i daresay i'm bringing sth back home other than memories. the lessons learnt. im just humbled. i really am.

God is good.

2008-10-06T22:43:00.003+08:00

so many things i dont wanna say. so many things i dont dare to show. so many thoughts i dont have the guts to expose. all because i know non believers are watching me. all because i know im answerable to God. but God made us imperfect. even believers are flawed. Even we are weak. trusting in the Lord doesnt make us invunerable, doesnt make us invincible.it simply gives us a source of strength. a place we can turn to whether we need the strength or not. whether we're at peace or not.

its so tiring to be who we are, so tiring to show people who the real "me" is, yet NOT show people who the real "me" is? isnt that the case in the world. NOBODY, i dare say NOBODY shows 100% of who they really are in this wretched world. simply because the world would be UNABLE to take it. "this is who i am, this is the real me" Is this really the real me? we gotta keep asking ourselves that. one moment we lose track, the next we look back and wonder who the heck was the person standing in our shoes behaving the way he/she did.

christians always want to give non-believers the best impressions. testimony its called. so that we can set the example for them. set the example that Jesus set for us. but how tiring it is to be the pillar of strength. the pillar of peace, that punching bag continually attacked by circumstances and problems but so resilantly not giving in. why do we feel so tired? why do we feel so weary? isnt it all because we dont go back to Christ? then we say OKAY i shall do quiet time tonight, read my bible, pray. we're back on track! now i wont feel tired, tml in school, the devil's gonna fall at my feet. or so we think.

the next day we feel even more tired than before. we feel even more helpless. before we kept our eyes on God, we were tired, now, we're still tired? hows that possible. maybe we were never MEANT to NOT feel tired. maybe we were just meant to commit it to God and ask him to HELP us through this tiredness. the tiredness doesnt disappear because we ask God to make it disappear. when we look to God for help. he simply walks beside us THROUGH the furnace. he simplys cries with us when we cry. he's simply there for us. maybe thats what its all about.

people often say, i dont wanna be a christian, if God is so good, why are there so many screwed up christians. with vulgarities, with attitudes, with all the shortcomings a christian as stereotyped by the world is NOT supposed to have. why? with this in their mind, they dont wanna be a christian. they dont wanna believe. this God is simply not real, not good, not POWERFUL enough if his believers are behaving like that?
how christians behave does NOT remove the fact that we are ultimately ALL answerable to God. if every christian behaved perfectly. would you believe?
i'm sure not. u'd think they were controlled freaks. religious screw ups. thats what you'll think of them. surely if they all behaved so well, they cant have done it out of their own will. God must be controlling them. why would i want to be controlled.

why am i typing all this? lol i feel possessed. im tired. mentally. but life goes on. the clock doesnt wait. every step i take. is one step closer to the finish line.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

2008-10-06T17:50:00.003+08:00

ive not been taking pictures cos simply not been in the mood to. lol.
friday after math paper i went to watch house bunny with friends, i think i've already said that. yes. well then saturday nothing much.

SUNDAY was a great day, but the end of the day i was half dead, went for church, ate lunch, went to play pool with gabriel and jemyam then went to play bball with zach lejon etc at queenstown cc. now THATS how sundays are meant to be spent. then went home got changed, went out with my family to watch mamamia, its actually not bad. but its not really that great a movie, unless ur an ABBA fan then it would be really awesome. well im not so i thought it was alrite, but my bro and dad were ranting about it. lol so whatever.

today went to play soccer with wenjie they all, it was alrite i guess. the past few weeks ive just not been in the mood for physical stuff
i just wanna sit down, have a meal, chitchat, maybe play pool and stuff. dunno whats wrong with me.lol maybe its the weather. maybe its not.

apathetically emotionless.

what am i doing at home on a saturday MORNING

2008-10-04T12:04:00.002+08:00

yesterday was my h2 math paper. it was the 2nd worst math paper i had ever done in my life. first being sec 4 amath mid years. lol. MOVING on..... after that i went to watch HOUSE BUNNY with friends. it is the MOST chic flickalicious chic flick u will EVER find. i'm a chic flick lover and even i found it OVER chic flickalicious. so yeah, unless ur being treated to it, its no no! lol

but then again, it was pretty pleasant, and it was fun too, so if ur rich and u just wanna laugh with friends, go ahead. btw, the jokes are sick jokes so unless ur name is like lejon etc, u prolly wouldnt understand it anyway. :D love you lj.

okay now im bored. if ur bored and ur free, well i was about to say send me a msg but i realised that wld sound ultimately desperate. so no do NOT send me a msg. just....... hmmm figure out a way to UN-bore urself! i shall cook. BYE.

2008-09-30T21:17:00.002+08:00

im in such a good mood! today was chinese paper, after that went to gym with zehang then went to play soccer with 1SC5 peeps and derek, then went home my father wanted to cook dinner but i suggested eating out so we went botak jones and i ate till i was SOOO satisfied. and once i reached home, it rained donkeys. WHAT a beautiful way to spend a tuesday!

:) its flooding over here! omg so fun!

2008-09-28T12:39:00.004+08:00

yay! my mum got me a new umbrella! nice shade of blue eh? i asked her why she didnt buy pink, then her mouth dropped and she stared at me like i was a freak. LOL.

it is a beautiful sunday afternoon and i just returned home from church and im bored so i started taking random photos and posting them up. below is my handphone pouch! Phu gave it to me! nice eh! i know ur gonna say he gave it to me for a reason, but he actually let me choose between 2 and i chose this myself so RID URSELF OF THOSE EVIL THOUGHTS.

Darth Vader married britney spears and thru the power of the force, Darth Spears was born! a new and powerful dark wizard, darth spears had unimaginable powers! he was the only jedi in the entire dark federation that did not use a lightsaber! he used lightspears! throwing them with ridiculous accuracy, he was talent spotted by the singapore sports council! he changed his nationality from zimbabwean to Singaporean and represented Singapore in the Olympics at the event of ARCHERY! making it into the semi finals, the entire country celebrated for a new hero was born!

DArth vader had a younder s0n, his name was Jeremy skywalker! jeremy was jealous because his name started with J so everyone called him jealous jeremy but everyone called darth spears DAmazing darth! so jeremy decided to go swimming to drown his sorrows, but in the end jeremy himself drowned. Darth vader and britney spears were devastated but britney spears was more devastated than darth vader so she went home to sleep. darth vader died of loneliness and darth spears upon seeing the death of his father, died too. and britney spears lived happily ever after.

im bored.

2008-09-27T23:33:00.004+08:00

this nonsense is quite funny! lol

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 82%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is Very High

You go beyond being a "people person." Connecting with people is the most important thing in your life.

You're empathetic, friendly, and outgoing. You are the kind of friend people dream of having.

Your interpersonal intelligence is a gift. And you use it well.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

Your Love Element Is Wood

In love, you tend to gently dominate and guide your partner.

For you, love is all about sharing goals and future plans.

You attract others with creativity and vision.

Your flirting style is defined by your honesty and assertiveness.

Growth and improvement are the cornerstones of your love life.

You may focus on goals too much in relationships, but you never come out of them with a loss.

You connect best with: Water

Avoid: Metal

You and another Wood element: will be doomed to a stormy relationship

What Element Is Your Love?

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you save for a rainy day.

You think good luck is something you won't attain - you expect bad luck.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be easily attracted to fads and fashions. You are showy and want to be noticed.

You are not able to relate clearly to others. You tend to become lost in clouds of confusion when attempting a task.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you are not too worried about finding someone right away. You're kind of laid-back in such matters.

Who's The True You?

2008-09-27T22:50:00.002+08:00

i dunno why but i just feel like blogging, and i dunno why, but i dont know what to blog. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm zijian why these few weeks u visit my blog so much.lol then i cannot write things bout my cca. LOL just kidding smile dude. "people" will tell you anyway, if i really were to write stuff, you wouldnt need to come and see it urself. LOL. chillax ah.

anyway im gonna imagine my friday didnt exist, yes yesterday, cos it started really well, but got as crappy as it could possibly get. today is alot smoother though, woke up late, ate lunch, went back to sleep again, got up mid afternoon studied, then went out with jerome for dinner, for near to 2 hours. we went anchorpoint to chill out. good to catch up again, even though it wasnt our usual sit down for 3 hours and talk kinda meal, it was still cool.lol

you know, i think i have so much to say, but there's this barrier, this obstacle, called linguistics. like there really arent many words that can describe what im feeling now, the closest word i can think of is rojak. lol. but its not a negative thing, neither is it a positive thing. its a lame thing and i dont like it.

the word regret always appears in my life, not so much because i have alot regrets, but because i make alot of decisions that people often dont understand. so they ask me if i have regrets. and i get alot of people asking me if i have regrets. do you have regrets? i know deep down i have regrets, but i keep saying i dont, maybe its not so much that i dont, maybe its more cos i dont WANT to have regrets. but regrets is fine, its an emotion, its an afterthought, its evaluation of what would have be, or would not. emotion is fine.

but are we SUPPOSED to regret?

the Lord has a plan for all of us. his plan is like a bullet train, it moves, decisively, full of conviction and passion, there is no area to slow down and reconsider. it moves on. and we are like the passengers. when we enter the train, it moves, we move, and we never look back. perhaps the passengers can get off at the next stop and U-turn back to the original station, but the time that the train took to reach the station, that time will never return, its gone, the journey over. things will never be the same again.and God's the driver.

so move on.dont even think about looking out of the window.God's not gonna wait for you.
he never will.

you're my prince of peace
i will always live for you.

PRE PROMOS

2008-09-25T21:57:00.004+08:00

tml is promos! lol today was a fun day.

woke up around 9, got chem energetics under my belt, then i went out to meet bert and yam at anchorpoint for lunch, and it was crowded so we headed to botak jones at depot road, and we called lejon out! lol then we went to play pool haha damn fun.

i left after about an hour or so while the 3 of them continued to play. i went home cos i needed to study. then guess what, i slept when i reached home.lol.... then i woke up and watched anime cos my brain refused to absorb anything. then my mum came home with dinner and i ate dinner and i watched the korean drama. so my afternoon = useless. what a great day.

?
The Lord never forsakes.

what would you do?

2008-09-24T18:34:00.004+08:00

i have today and tml off because of study break and exams start on friday, cool huh, so just now i was studying, and this random thought came to my mind.

imagine its the year 2100, and some tyrant has taken over the world, an updated version of hitler, ruthless, sadistic and every other trait of hitler x10. imagine the whole world is in ruins, and this tyrant is out to kill all christians.

imagine he has succeeded in doing it to every single christian except you and your closest friends and family, lets say you and ur... 3 closest friends? then one day ur family members got captured cos they ran too slow when yall were trying to escape officials.

so ur only left with you and ur 3 friends, then 4 of you decide to go to the headquarters and over there u see ur family members getting tortured by the retard who is 10 times of hitler. he is torturing them because he wants to know the whereabouts of you and ur 3 friends because you 4 are the last christians remaining and the fact that u 4 have not appeared is the only thing that has kept ur family alive, albeit being tortured.

what would you do?

you know trying to save ur family means the end of all your lives (you have absolutely NO CHANCE against this retard and his army of billions), not only can u not save ur family, your friends and you die as well.

but if you do nothing, how would you feel?
at this time, does stepping out mean u've lost ur will to live? so interesting huh? dunno why i had these thoughts also, it was SO random and just POPPED into my head, like God wants to tell me something but i dont know what. i even imagined a scenario! i said i would not go out and try to save them just yet, i would go back and come up with a plan, then one of my friends (the guy i pictured looked and sounded surprisingly like naruto, maybe i've been watching too much anime, lol.) screamed at me.

CALEB! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME SO COWARDLY WHEN THIS REAL TEST OF COURAGE HAS APPEARED!

then i screamed back

ooo wait ah, i dunno what his name was, hmmm lets call him..... clark!

i screamed back! CLARK! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME SO DUMB WHEN THIS REAL TEST OF INTELLIGENCE HAS APPEARED!

and i dunno what happened in the end, cos i snapped out of it and realised i had been reading the same electrochemistry page for the last 30 mins. cool huh.. what an afternoon....

what WOULD you do?
if christ-likeness is the finish line and worshipping God is running. then the race never ends.

u can sit on the fence, u cant sit on the coin. choose.

2008-09-21T19:38:00.003+08:00

even a christian family is not exempted from the devil's pickings. and more often than not, the devil succeeds in messing them up. sad huh?

victory lies in the heart of the God-fearing.

there are 2 sides to every single coin. failuring an exam, losing a friend, getting betrayed, being punished, being lied to, having a dysfunctional family, falling into disastrous circumstances, having a dysfunctional family, losing a job, being wrongly accused for something you did not do and having a dysfunctional family. all these are just examples of a coin.

do u want to look at the shiny side, or the dull side? its up to you.
through every such occurence, i begin to understand more and more why God placed me here. to show me what i should not, and WILL not do, in the future. :D

To God be the glory.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.is he yours?

2008-09-19T17:15:00.004+08:00

okay updates, my body is messed up. i think i got some bacterial infection or sth. yesterday i went home 2 hours early cos i was starting to feel feverish. upon reaching home around 1 something. i slept all the way to dinner, my body was stiff and it was aching, and i felt as if i had not slept at all. lol at night after dinner i felt as if i was gonna fall anytime.

anyway slept at 10, earliest i've slept in EONS. came to school this morning, during assembly i felt horrible, but i still went for PE anyway. come on, handball, how can i miss that! lol. then i felt dizzy like i could fall anytime, so i pink slipped(permission letter to leave school) out. that was around 12. i woke up 30 mins ago. lol so for all who read this, please pray for me, no idea what is wrong with my body, just know its messed up. lol.

anyway food for thought, on my way home, i was thinking about what i was to my friends, to the people around me. have you ever thought about people's impressions of you? what kind of impact you've had on peoples' lives? or if u have ever had any impact? if you were to die, barring ur family and CLOSEST friend(s) ----> this number shldnt excede 5, barring these people, is there gonna be ANYONE esle at all thats gonna remember you? for ur mannerism, for ur attitude, for the way u put urself across. basically, for who you ARE. if ur answer to this question is no or not sure, sure is time to change that.

think about the impact you wanna have on peoples' lives, or wld u rather sit one corner and just quietly live ur life while getting ur As and have people remember you as a genius lacking social skills? with the exclusion of einstein and thomas edison, try to think of 10 geniuses the world has ever seen. i'm sure u have difficulty filling up that list. but think about 10 people who have impacted ur life, something encouraging they said to you that turned ur life around, something they have done for you that absolutely melted ur heart. the list will fill up in less than a minute i assure you.

some people think that they own their life, and they want to do WHATEVER they want, "you onli live life once!" so ur attitude in studies is negatively nonchalent, you dont care about teachers, people who anger you suffer the wrath of your behind the back talk. who cares what they think about me?!! what matters is what I, ME, think about myself. if thats the way u think, and thats the way i OFTEN think, then ur grossly wrong, life's not all about you. imagine living on an island alone. we were meant to live with people, share with people, talk to people, laugh with people, cry with people, and last of all, leave earth with people.

what kind of legacy do you wanna leave when u die, if u die, and u never know when u WLD die, it may be tml, for me, it cld be the moment i press "publish post", we all never know. so we gotta leave our legacy each and every single day, each and every single moment we have. i think the impact im leaving behind is crap, a disappoinment and shame most of all to God, im sure if i were to die now, i'll grossly regret the way i have lived my life. but theres still time to change all of this. God being my strength, nothing can stop me. who do you want people to remember you as? do u think there will be a hole in someone esle's life if u were to leave today? think about it. if ur answer is no, time to ask urself THE question.

ARE you LIVING?
the joy of the LORD is my strength.

2008-09-17T21:29:00.004+08:00

congrats jerome for doing well in ur exams, as foreign as that concept is to me, im super happy!!!!! trust me.

well my best friend's been studying, time to get started myself too right? lol

there is SO much i want to blog, but i cant seem to put into words. lol why? Thank God i have God, can u imagine if i dont have God gosh. how do people survive without someone to spill to? im sure even the closest of friends have moments where they cant share sth with the opposite person right? maybe cos they are in different environments, maybe cos the problem involves the other person as well etc etc.

i actually wanted to start this section where i share my reflections on my day with God, something like what jerome does, but i realised there are so many things that simply cant be put into words. such is the wonder of God's love that even the amazing thing called language is a failure. lol.

there are always words we miss out.
whats the meaning of everything? do you have something to tell me? please do.
if i say something magnanimous and understanding, theres a high chance i dont mean it, so turn it around and you'll get what i really wanted to say.

God will always be number one.

2008-09-15T17:53:00.002+08:00

what does peer pressure mean?

i was looking through my archives from when i first created my blog and all that and almost every other post seems to be on my reflections about my relationship with Jesus, but now it almost seems as if NONE of my posts are on that. I still remember vaguely, i forgot who was it, but somebody told me my blog was boring, so i decided to talk alot less about all these "God is great, God is good!" stuff, no big deal wad, just stop posting about these stuff, nth's gonna happen!

months down im looking at myself now, i feel like an utter disgrace.my attitude, the way i've been behaving in school, with my friends, everywhere, its just disgusting, and its all because i wanted to please and make people read my blog. after i stopped talking about God and all that, the importance of God in my life has just diminished to a shameful state. What comes forth from ur mouth is prevalent in your heart, you will always subconsciously talk most about whats important in your life.

its time to change, Christianity is not a religon, Christianity is not some arty farty belief. Its a lifestyle, its what DEFINES who we are, and God is not some imaginary creature we created to have hope, to say "if i look forward to God, i will have motivation to live, if not theres no meaning in life!" Its more than just saying it, its meaning it, he is REAL and will always be, so if he's gonna take a backseat in ur life, i doubt he'd even WANT to sit in ur car, he's the driver, we trust and obey.

i just wanna thank jerome, i was reading his blog and i was thinking, it cant possibly get anymore boring, but thats nonsense! its the most exciting blog i've ever seen cos every other post shows what he really cares about and what is IMPORTANT and core to his life, it shows what is placed FIRST in his life. thank God for a friend like that, im sure he doesnt even know he has helped me wake up, but thanks man. and thank YOU God :)

ur actions and words clearly show what is deemed important in our lives. what is important in your life? Show it.

2008-09-12T22:44:00.003+08:00

i just watched click. and i think all of you should too, love your family and friends guys, they dont last forever.

reflection.

2008-09-06T22:24:00.002+08:00

okay hi guys! i've not been posting for a long time, alot has been going on, school and cca and other stuff, including my grandmother's death and all that, this past 1 month is got to be the toughest month thus far of the year, which is why i havent been posting, not so much of nothing to post(TOO much has been happening) but more of a lack of mood, and i've basically just not been myself.

leading up to today my walk with God has been ridiculous, my quiet time has been ridiculously non existent, my prayers shallow and i would be so ashamed if God were to ask me what i am doing. All this while, something in my is just preventing me from being who im supposed to be, who i am and who i want to be. Today when i went for splash, i was once again reminded, miraculously of how God is good all the time, and he's always there, and its a matter of whether we want to go to him or not, i was actually saying these things in my prayer when i was praying with pastor eric, and i was doing it subconsciously, it was almost like God was MAKING me say those words.

then in cell, serene taught us about overcoming the crisis/obstacles in my lives, about how we cannot hide our feelings and we as humans were created to have emotion and sadness, its alrite to be sad and grieve, and today has just been a wake up session for me, im still struggling to finish my work, i havent started studying, im starting to get worried, i'm feeling tried, theres so much on my mind, things that i wouldnt normally care about, i'll be going "ah its all gonna work out fine! " but i've come to a point where things dont just WORK OUT, u gotta reach out and MAKE them WORK OUT, like we dont just GROW close with God by shaking our legs, we gotta GO to him and make the decision to grow close.

for all the people i have offended and been treating badly, yes yam you included lol, forgive me, i've just not been myself, the emoness and all that, i'm really ashamed to even consider the way i've been behaving over the last few weeks, what is there that God cannot accomplish? What is there that is too much for God?

i dont wanna mess around anymore. its time to get serious.

"in all things, God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his will........."

2008-08-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

oh my, look at this usain bolt parody, i laughed my head off man. total joke!

think about it.

2008-08-23T22:22:00.004+08:00

what does it mean to behave like a different person? when someone who u think knows you tells you ur behaving like a different person. does it mean u've changed, or does it mean its been in you all along and u just never knew until a circumstance forced it out?

im way way off track. way off.

it was just 4 days.

2008-08-22T18:04:00.002+08:00

i love my parents. i love my family. i love my friends. and most of all, i love God.

you'll only know what happiness feels like after u've experienced its opposite.
this one week has been hell for me, i have never felt so emotionally defeated in my life. lol, my parents have been in malaysia the whole week attending to my grandmother's stuff, and my bro has been in hostel at ntu. i have NEVER experienced loneliness in my life before. until this week.

tuesday i went with my bro to malaysia, straight after school i met him, reached malaysia went to the crematorium to meet my parents and my sister and my uncles and aunties. never seen my father cry so many times in one day before. lol more than i've ever seen him cry in my life. haha but well its his mom, so i guess its natural. so many times my eyes were hot and watery, but nothing could come out, like there was a blockage at my eyes..

returned to singapore after the cremation and lunch on wednesday. everybody was falling to the ground during the cremation. sigh... when i reached singapore, i felt dead again. my bro left for the hostel and i have no idea what my sister was doing in her room.

thursday woke up late, i have never appreciated my mum this much before, the small supposedly insignificant things like making sure im awake even though there is an alarm clock to get me up, all these things we often brush off. i love my mum man. went to school. after school went to play basketball and just let all that angst out. lol. after that i went home, reached hme around 6pm. washed up etc etc, 7pm my sister called me and told me she needed to go A&E (emergency) cos the clinic doctor told her that her headache wasnt a normal headache.

dont ask.

reached home around 10 sth, thank God my sister did not have to stay in the hospital.
i just reached home 30 mins ago. when i say my mum's slippers outside the door, i almost wanted to cry, i go so emotional my eyes started to water. i really missed my parents, and its been 4 days, ridiculous, like some little pathetic baby. i am the most pampered kid in the world. i really am. it took my grandma's death to see that, lets hope my eyes are alot sharper now.

you'll never appreciate what u have, till you know what its like to not have.
never.

Do not be discouraged, do not be afraid.
Be strong and courageous,
for the Lord your God
will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

2008-08-18T23:07:00.005+08:00

pastor eric says when u say ur bored, it implies u are self centred, and ur needs are not met. haha absurd but logical. BUT at this point of time, im disregarding all references my next statement has to my ego. I AM BORED.

okay since its spreading like wildfire, i'll let yall who read my blog(that of which im guessing is like less than 5 people, HOPEFULLY, u see this lack of confidence and low self esteem? u can help me by tagging, that will greatly improve my esteem! :D okay laughter aside, my paternal grandmother passed away on sunday, my mum recieved a phonecall from johor, yes granny is malaysian, then she had a heartattack so my mum and sis went immediately over to msia where my father already is.

i decided to stay back in singapore cos it was too much of a rush so im going to msia tml(tuesday) after school with my bro, the wake's on wednesday. yesterday after my mum and sis left, my bro left soon after to go back to his university hostel, so the house was left to me. the whole empty cold lonely pathetic house. okay lonely doesnt describe the hse, it describes me. lol, it was weird, i watched tv for like 5 hours cos i had no mood to do anything.

frankly i'm almost not affected, to the point i feel weird, she's my closest grandparent but we're still not amazingly close, perhaps its cos i was expecting it already. and so im gonna miss the entire wednesday, im so gonna die with my work.

i love camp rock.LOL, random, but important. if you dont know what it is, ur either above 40 or..... u live in a cave. its a new disney channel original movie starring demi lovato and joe jonas, guess where my current blog song comes from????? :D

really feels weird to be at home all by myself. today i came home to the house i left in the morning and it was in the same exact same condition, the windows closed to that exact same degree, nothing changed, nothing moved. i am so getting married. can u imagine going home to an empty house after work? depressionable.i dont think this word exists but in my dictionary it basically means, able to cause depression. :D

when ur loved one leaves, how would you feel? my friend said she never wants to think about it. but mental preparation works wonders. at least i think it does. does it?

oh wait, btw for all who read this post, im okay, trust me when i say it, lol. people dont seem to believe me when i say im okay, im NOT suppressing depression or feelings or whatever, i AM okay. thank you for the thought though. if you even thought of anything. lol.

oh wait did i forget to say i lost my phone last friday? yeah i lost my phone last friday, and no im not getting a new one, i dont want. at least not yet. :D

WHO MADE CHINA HIGH?
opium

2008-08-10T12:21:00.002+08:00

was watching some beijing olympics gymnastics events with my bro and he got so excited over all the bloopers being made(yeah sadist) and he actually went to youtube to search for bloopers. check this out. ouch.

2008-08-05T22:00:00.002+08:00

more pictures! below is the post on founders day dinner.

2008-08-05T18:13:00.007+08:00

Monday Night 4th August 2008. Fairfield's 120th Founders Day Dinner celebration at Swisshotel.

to think that the last time we could meet up officially as a whole level just passed in the blink of an eye.
Jerome and i met at queenstown mrt, he took 2 million years to come! gosh ALWAYS late. not that im any better, but still! :D im so gonna get destroyed for this.lol. we took cab together to the place and when we got there, we were like WHOA, everyone was SOO well dressed, madness! my mama told me not to bring blazer, later look out of place, when i went there, i BARELY saw people WITHOUT blazers! LOL.i look constipated because i was trying to keep my eyes away. i hate flash! Pretty Cuifen! treasure this compliment, its the first i've ever given you and ever will! LOL.

Alden and i!
In memory of aiwee who is far far away and cldnt come for the dinner, this is a picture of Jingle mingle and... oh my whats my funny name! i forgot!
Brothers forever. Jerome and i.

Christie! The shumei wannabe. she hits about half the strength of shumei. learning learning.. Joc thong!
BRIAN CHAN! lol full of crap.
This photo above is actually one of my favourites taken the whole night, surprisingly though, considering the people IN IT, namely laura and rachel kinda hate me. lol. just kidding! whats life without a little humour! :) and then theres nicol. all those sec 1 times at my hse field. talk about nostalgic.
4E 2007! the best class i've ever had and i think i may ever HAVE had. the 2 years of memories, the screaming and the singing. i would go through the dry routine days ALL over again if i could.
SHUMEI IN A DRESS, OMG................................................................................... :D this statement, if seen by shumei, was warrant me at least 10 hits on my back. she hits as hard as zijian mind you, YES TAN ZIJIAN. so be afraid, be very very afraid, cos I AM!!!!!!!!!!

Jenisse! :D friends forever!
blur blur picture, this is what happens when people with unsteady hands take picture of two ridiculously good looking people! :D
Neo, mok, darren. lol darren's facial hair is like whoa....
Bao Bao!
Julia tan!

Izzac LIM! STOP s_ _ _ _ _ _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeo! Joy yeo! look at that! picture of glam! gosh! my class mate and cell mate! In all you do, JIA YOU!
DEREK LAM! hahah look at our shirt and tie colours, lol so cool.
Jerome again! looking good! you owe me 2 botak treats. TWO.
Allicia!

COMBINED HUMANITIES CLASS! i love this class, its a mixture of people form 4E and 4F, taught by Mrs Choe who's there in the middle, gosh, she is really the best teacher i've ever had, her patience, the way she portrays herself, ALL THE WAY MRS CHOE! btw this is the subject in which i won the book prize award on friday, getting top in the level. i got 54, 50 and 51 for my sec 3 mid years, end years and sec 4 mid years respectively before my 78 in prelims, and all i can thank and SHOULD thank are Mrs Choe and God.

all the memories, all the friends. we may have moved on, but our hearts still remain with fairfield. i always thought ms elaine lim was being lame when she kept talking about how great fairfield was and how we would miss it the moment we left it and we would be dying to come back, how we shld always thank our teachers and be grateful for the school all that stuff. now i realise, not a SINGLE word she said wasnt true.

To all my secondary school mates, for all the times i was an ass, which im presuming was more often than not, im sorry. thank you for the memories for the fun and for the friendship. this is not just to 4E students but to all fairsians 2007. The best batch ever, the friendships dont just stop here. 40 years from now, people will still be talking about fairfield, and the batch of 2007 will be among the best mentioned.

Fairfield. 120 years gone, this is just the beginning.

FAIRFIELD 120th FOUNDERS DAY CEREMONY

2008-08-01T23:24:00.004+08:00

today was founders day ceremony in fairfield! ytd i went to tiong bahru plaza after school to meet my mama and we went shopping! yay yay, so fun, i bought a pair of leather shoes for my founders day ceremony today and a long sleeve G2000 shirt for the founders day dinner on monday night! so fun!

man, today, the moment school ended at 3.30, i was just so excited to go back to fairfield, i went to get joy's and my blazer from the blazer room and the whole bunch of us were heading back to our alma mater from AC! i was screaming and shouting my head off, i just felt so weirdly high, so free, to be going back to fairfield, when i stepped inside and i saw the different people from my batch, i just felt SO at home. like gosh, THIS is what a school is meant to be like. THIS is what a school is SUPPOSED to be like.

i had SO much fun catching up and hanging out with my sec 4 mates all over again. fairfield just pulls everyone together, i cannot believe what a family we were. one whole level, one whole clique.

Below are pictures with my sec 4 friends, we wear blazers cos we are prize winners, academic or special awards etc. I, miraculously, through God's ridiculously amazing grace, got top in comb human(geog) so thats why im wearing a blazer, yes i know OMG caleb with an academic award! which is why i say, through God's ridiculously amazing grace. :D To God be all glory.

haiz, jingming, never change ah......
impressive joy with the carrie kenyon award for something to do with outstanding character i think lol, wow what a surprise! never thought she'd get it!(if u cannot sense the sarcasm, u shld go and eat chilli padi.)
leon and lilin! i miss leon and all his nonsense, the joy and fun he brought to the class whilst being serious in his studies and always wanting to do well.gosh leon do well in jj man! lilin, fairfield's top student and winner of about a million book prizes(top in a certain subject etc).
my parents! :D

more pictures another day, i cant wait for the dinner on monday! GOSH im gonna have SO many more pictures! the thought that the dinner on monday will mark the last time our level can officially get tgt, just saddens me. these past 4 years have been blowout amazing, the friends i have made, the memories i have, if i could turn back time and relive my sec 4 year, i would walk so slow a minute would seem like a year.

God is amazing. how foolish we often blame him for "absent" blessings when we just cant get it into our thick skull that they are in our blind spot and only by walking forward will they come into sight.

2008-07-26T09:14:00.002+08:00

havent been posting anything for awhile, recently nothing much has been happening, and everything that HAS happened is still unpostable.lol made a couple of extremely important decisions this last week, its been tough, to not know what is ahead of both paths, yet choose the one that seems less sweet, but the one you know is right.

training has been strenous as usual, getting harder than before, but its actually still quite relaxed compared to like the other xiong sports ccas. i was thinking yesterday, can u imagine if i hadnt joined a sports cca, omg man, i think i'll die la, my fitness level would be so pathetic! sure, i wld probably be doing better in my studies, but thats not everything, lol thank God i decided to join a sports cca.

To God be the glory.

2008-07-20T12:43:00.002+08:00

Some pictures from the singapore art museum, really weird pictures...tsk art......

2008-07-20T00:39:00.002+08:00

Today was fun! totally....lol.
btw im blogging at 12.38 am, so whatever is in this post is in reference to BEFORE 12am, so when i say today, i mean BEFORE 12am, so when i say ytd i mean BEFORE BEFORE 12am.

okay ytd i talked to jerome on the phone till like 2. whoooooooo so fun, so i slept and i woke up at 10 half dead, and i left my hse at 12 to go library to return and pick up books and met yam for lunch. then we went to church at 1.30 to PRAY for PRAYER(splash) how cool is that.

yam serene and i had a very serious talk, meaningful maybe, but fruitful or not, it'll take time to see. but these talks are needed every now and then.there there.

went for ywav then, left at 4.30 lol bible study hadnt even started yet when i left. lol. i went home to change and then went to get dinner and i went to SINGAPORE ART MUSEUM for some greek tragedy play, gosh it was so good. its an RJ alumni production anyway. really good stuff. SO real. lol then i went to holland v to eat ice cream and fries and all that jazz at swensens. wow.lol then i reached home at 12.30. gosh latest i've reached hme in a super super super super super super super long time. but it was REALLY a fun day. :D

church tml see ya! :D

2008-07-18T22:48:00.003+08:00

i can barely contain it. i wanna scream out. i wanna shout out, i wanna go crazy and EXCLAIM. lol. the only thing stopping me is the "dont count ur chickens before they hatch" thing, but my gosh, what am i feeling now. lets not screw this up dude. Jerome we have to meet soon, any longer, my lungs are gonna burst. LOL. Jeromeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i have butterflies in my stomach every second. i HAVE to talk to someone. lol.
happy happy happy
happy happy happy
my life piorities
1.God
2.God
3.God.

2008-07-17T16:36:00.002+08:00

Okay this is the summary of the past week, its been cool, everything going just fine. my mood has just been amazing and i have no idea why! lol. :D

look at this chicken rice that samuel lee was eating. ridiculous! i know that chilli rocks, but to use it as if its gravy? lol gotta be kiddin me man.
OKAY this is an amazing story! ms baljeet was showing us how to mix the solutions and stuff during chem practical and she said in order for us to see the precipitate, we have to pour out the solution from the test tube, so she just randomly poured the solution into the sink, RANDOMLY, yes, without hesitation, without....without wadever! she just poured! and THIS was the shape the solution formed! OMG. AMAZING stuff! haha we were all laughing and saying that its a sign of things to come for her then she was like "it comes with experience from rejecting so many guys!" HAHAHAHAH so cool la, she's super funny man.
then on wednesday, we had this module thing, and we signed up for which module we wanted to go so my frens and i went for anger and conflict management, and it was suppppppper boring...): then halfway through i found almost half the people in the lecture theatre were sleeping and look at sher, ame and pan! LOL identical actions! hahah. okay im bracing myself for a barage of "why did u put up our unglam pictures!" complains. oh well! go click 5! lol.

No more white font. (:

2008-07-16T22:47:00.003+08:00

you know where periods of time where everything is going so routinely it starts to feel weird. like u log onto ur blog, and ur thinking, what am i gonna blog about? that kinda feeling? its exactly what i'm feeling now. its so weird, like i know something is gonna pop up in my face and scare me, but right now, i cant see it, i cant feel it, and i dont know what it is.

its exciting the way life goes, espacially as Christians. God's plans somehow, just SOMEHOW always seem to go against what we want. some complication will pop up and u just have no idea what to do. what is right, what you want and whether the two even click. i dunno bout you, but isnt that all the more exciting? lol.

my life is so smooth now i feel like my car is gonna skid of the highway anytime soon. i really dont mind it being like this for awhile more, but it sure is boring. lol. im focused on my studies again. im so happy, i feel like the work im doing now, lessons and all that, im back to where im supposed to be. maybe theres that jc adaptation time period or sth that caused me to be so messed up this first semester. maybe its me not being used to staying back in school so late everything, being in a sports cca and so on. but im getting used to it, and its not bad, lol. its pretty fun.

best friend forever.
i dont want another best friend. i have enough.is it a bff ur looking for?cos if it is, im not sure i can do it.

2008-07-14T19:43:00.002+08:00

im going crazy. can this possibly be going any sloweR???? speed up! i wanna see what happens at the end of the story!

he thought his heart wld never beat again. its been too long.

everything else is moving at just a fine pace. any faster and i'll probably just die. im sucha loser u noe that? one training, all it took was ONE training, for my legs to die, its been more than 3 days and im still dead, i can barely run, i CANT jump, the pain is mad. what did i do to become this weak? gosh. this is what happens when the bed is more interesting than the sneakers at the door.

i got this new song i composed. i was damn bored la okay. anyway i modified it, i did during econs tutorial.

everyday we go to school
we seem to love the loo
study study study study
eat eat eat! X2

everyday listen to teacher talk
time to change class we have to walk
study study study study
eat eat eat! X2

orient's food always got worms
void deck tables full of germs
complain complain complain complain
sleep sleep sleep! X2

every lecture many ppl pon
all go cafe eat udon
complain complain complain complain
sleep sleep sleep!X2

mass pe run like mad dog
go to class look like dead log
lucky not america, nobody have gun
I LOVE SCHOOL ITS SO FUN!

2008-07-13T22:02:00.005+08:00

is this it? i dont know, but its a path im willing to take, and its a risk that sure as hell seems enticing to take.

the next couple of weeks is gonna be super eventful, i can totally sense it. im so excited, my head is barely above the water now, and theres still more to come. talk about a boring life. well i did pray after my O levels for God to make me the busiest person ever in JC so i'll totally have a meaningful two years. im not exactly there yet, but i am NEAR to struggling since im so used to afternoon naps and lying on my bed staring at the ceiling for one hour a day in sec 4.

okay all the things happening in my life right now are unbloggable, so when they BECOME bloggable, they'll all spill. so bye for now! :D

2008-07-11T20:27:00.002+08:00

so many things been happening recently. face up, its just my exams, sad grades, work work and work, and now my cca's back, it all seems so routine. but spiritually and emotionally, its just been real hectic, busy busy busy, never busier in my life.

recently, alot of things have caused me to start thinking about what exactly i've been doing with... just everything la, my life, my walk with God, and alot more. the main causes are mostly my studies and of course my cca. and something esle.

and just afew days ago, i was praying, asking God for answers. but of course, its just a phase, we cry and pray for answers, but we'll never get them, simply cos we're too blind to notice that they're right in front of us, that his ways are higher than ours, that he loves us and does every single thing for our good!

and then i read my devotional book and God just spoke really loudly to me. He said

DO YOU DARE TO LET ME WORK IN YOU?

people(like me) always cry and ask why we are born so incapable, lacking in this and that, but we just FAIL to see that we already have SO MANY blessings, uncountable, ridiculously numerous, yet we moan and groan, and we just FAIL to see that God is WAY WAY WAY WAY more mighty than failing terms or being lousy at a sport, we just FAIL to see that God came to work in EMPTY VESSELS, not fully loaded ships. the crappier you ARE, the MORE God can work in you. and the best thing, God's work in you is gonna be UNIMAGINABLY more amazing and spectacular than ANY amount of effort you can POSSIBLY put in. yes, ANY AMOUNT.

cos God is real.
cos he loves.

2008-07-06T23:27:00.006+08:00

the last 3 days have been MAD, i've almost had NO time whatsoever to use the computer. CRAZY CRAZY 3 days, thank God i have monday off to rest! FRIDAY was PASSIONAC! its a worship cum service that is held in school, it was such a blast! God was really there man. i reached hme almost at 11 plus! crazy stuff!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH to all the people who wished me happy bday! (5th july) it was super nice of yall! and i wanna wish Andrea, Joel, my sis,(all 5th july TOO! my sis is 3 years older btw) and william(4th july) and Bert(1st july) and Jeslyn(7th july) LOL. crazy month of july!

Andrea and i holding our cakes after PASSIONAC!
Saturday i went to fairfield funfair in the morning, saw quite a number of the old guys, really great to catch up. FAIRFIELD FOREVER! then went for REACH service at ywav, man it was a real great fun day!

then after ywav, my family went to crystal jade to celebrate my sis and my birthdays then we went to watch HANCOCK! SERIOUSLY SUPER NICE.HIGHLY RECOMMENDED TO ALL.

My sis is the sweetest ever, she bought like ALOT ALOT ALOT of donuts and arranged them into a cake and surprised me after ywav, it was mad and the worst thing was it was her bday too so i seriously didnt know where to hide my face cos it was like i was getting all the attention and she was like not noticed. i felt damn bad. my sister is really the best in the world man. youth sunday worship team!
on saturday night, after hancock, i reached home at 12.30 AM, omg, then i still needed to settle some stuff so i slept at 2, and had to wake up at 7.30 to go church cos pastor eric wanted rehearsal at 8. lol, my body was starting to crank up already from lack of rest. lol.

church WAS GREAT, so fun man, the worship was AMAZING, the speaker was SUPER good, everything just clicked into place. man, it was really a great day.

then after church the guys(zach lj yam bert etc etc) we all went to play bball at queenstown cc, and the weather was SUPER DUPER NICE. man seriously thank God la, there were thunder sounds when gab and i were walking there but we just trusted God and WALA!

And it was SERIOUSLY such a SUPER fun day of bball, super fun to play with those guys man. after that i left and went home to get a bath and get myself ready for ACJC choir concert at Esplanade, went to meet Andrea who was with some cf peeps and we had dinner and went for the concert!

must admit, acjc choir DOES have standard. good job!

Andrea and i!
i meet cuifen joy and xinghui!my beloved sec 4 class captain! noisy as ever, smart? i think never! HAHAHAH just kidding! :D
i loved my last 3 days. the fun i've had. time to get back to reality!

In all things, God will forever be in charge.

2008-07-03T23:19:00.003+08:00

i just saw this phrase somewhere
"im imperfect.... yet im loving it" lol what truth. its so exciting to know that ur not in control of whats gonna be happening next, that no matter HOW much u plan, no matter HOW much you dont want things to escape ur grasp, they still do, and things STILL mess up. lol. i love life.

paradigm shift. everybody needs that. me too.
Life is great. :)

God's grace.

2008-07-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

I PASSED CHEM.OMGoodness, I DID I DID.

yesterday night i was just sitting at my desk thinking about everything that has been happening and all that has passed.and i took out my journal that i started writting in sec 3, it has stuff that... lets just say its only meant for the eyes of God. and i was just looking through seeing how much God has really blessed me and changed my entire life, it was just amazing.

i was really worried about my results, i REALLY feared the worse, and this time i wasnt smokin, i really did fear. but i decided to just throw it all down and let God take over, after all, the stuff that i went through which i chronicled into my journal, every single one of those ordeals were worse than just doing badly for exams.

after that i was SUPER relax, yes relaxed till such a point i was starting to find it unbelievable, the peace that i experienced, man, its all about going to him, he doesnt take pleasure in seeing us suffer, he takes pleasure in giving us peace.

and today, i passed my chem, the joy i experienced was amazing, right smack in my face i see how God works in my life, that doesnt mean that for those who failed, God didnt work in their lives, God worked equally as much but with a different purpose and plan for each and every single one of us.

its like how a father gives freedom and space to a certain child because he knows he is disciplined enough to handle his life while he closely watches another child cos he knows that child needs guidiance to bloom. thats how God works, differently, with each and every single one of us.

i want to have a heart after God's own
it actually hurts. to see them react that way.

2008-06-30T21:48:00.002+08:00

so school starts tml, part of me wants to get back to the hustle of it all, part of me is just... not looking forward to it all. lol. i guess this is what all students gotta go through.

ytd 3am marcus called me and i woke up to watch the spain vs germany match, lol first time i actually Enjoyed a soccer match, soccer matches are the most boring things to watch in the world, after golf that is, the highlights are super cool, but 90 mins? omg, i'll just die. lol, but it really was fun that match, somehow..

then i went to sleep after the match and i woke up at 1, and marcus came my house and we ordered canadian pizza 2 for 1 cos i was too lazy to go out! so cool! and we ate until only one slice left! so its like we ate ONE whole pizza each. coolios man. delicious. everything rocks when ur hungry.

we were supposed to study after lunch but we ended up wasting all our time away till it was 5 plus and marcus went home to sleep while I myself went to sleep. LOL. good job man.
another one of those periods where the pace,the circumstances and every possible aspect just isnt going the way you would like, the way you would prefer.
God deserves alot more from us.from me, alot alot more.....

2008-06-28T22:24:00.002+08:00

i always wondered why in the world did michael jackson have SO many fans.
i finally understood why. check out the video man, look at his robot walk, AND his moon walk. out of this world!

2008-06-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

George sampson (check out the previous videos), made it to the semi finals and this is his performance, btw he ended up winning the whole competition in the end and SIGNATURE(the two indians got second.) damn i like this guy, he's got a backbone man. super touching.

Below is a correction of the quote i mentioned in the earlier post about the movie Coach carter, the additional lines were cut in the movie but that is the original poem, it was written by Marianne Williamson and Nelson Mandela used it in one of his speeches. darn, i love all this inspiration crap, like how George sampson bounced back and didnt give up and all. man, phenomenal stuff.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

friday

2008-06-26T18:36:00.006+08:00

today was a JOKE of a day. how bad can a day get. tsk.

went to school in the morning to gym, cos i was rushing out of the house, i wore slippers, went to gym with marcus, the lady said i cldnt use the gym cos i was wearing slippers not shoes. okay fine. fair enough. so i passed my towel to marcus so HE could gym while i wait. THEN the woman told marcus that the towel too small, need big towel to cover the whole seat, OMG. i betcha a million bucks the next time we go, she'll be saying we're not allowed to enter the gym cos our shoe laces arent pink. MESSED up man.

thats the START. after that marcus and i went to my house to chill then joel also came along and we went to tiong bahru plaza cos we wanted to watch WANTED. THEN, marcus rmbed that he had left his ezlink card in school(he's not sure, he THINKs its in school, best.lol.) and the lady said he's not allowed to go in cos no verification that he is 16 cos the movie is NC16. ???????????? so in the end we all didnt watch.bad day became horrible. BUT THATS NOT ALL.

when marcus went to buy the tickets, it was 4.31, and the movie supposedly starts at 4.30, so i went to get my $6.50 hotdog combo(hotdog plus drink) first so we cld fly straight into the cinema, THEN we figured we cldnt get tickets. so i was holding the hotdog and drink like a blistering idiot who looked like he went up to the cinemas because he craved for the food they sold. -_-" talk about a crap day.

THANK God it started to get better after that, we decided to go play pool and then we went to botak jones to eat dinner, good talks we had, pretty fun day despite the hiccupS, emphasis on the S.

talk about plans being SUBJECT TO CHANGE man, this is what outings are meant to be like!

okay my next 2 videos are from YAM's blog, great stuff yam! i thought it was very nice so i just wanna share with my non church frens. and the next 2 videos after that are all linked to the first video so im just showing em all. my favourite is the 2nd video btw. touching stuff..

COACHCARTER

2008-06-26T13:28:00.003+08:00

my exams ended yesterday so i get today, tml and monday off.
ytd i was watching coach carter at home, its a movie about a basketball coach who accepts to coach for this school of delinquents where the players dont respect anyone and dont give a hoot about their lives. its amazingly inspiring, and the best part, its based on a true story, so catch it if u can!

there was one part in the movie when the coach locks up the gym(where they play basketball) and cancels all trainings and games when the team was on a 16 win streak, all because the students were skipping class and doing horribly academically, then there was all this big fuss across the neighbourhood and he eventually got sacked by the board of the school, so they got the locks to the gym broken

then when coach carter went to see the gym for the last time, he saw all the basketball players with their desks in the basketball court, studying, and one guy said "they can open up the gym, but they cant force us to play"

then another guy stood up and said

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us

your playing small does not serve the world

there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you

we were all meant to shine as children

its not just as in some of us but as in everyone

and as we let our own light shine

we unconsciously give others permission to do the same

as we are liberated from our own fear

our presence automatically liberates others.

it is actually a quote from nelson mandela when he was giving a speech once, and it has since become a very famous quote, and i was just thinking about it, aint it amazing how sometimes we just want to slack and chill out and ppl say we're good enough to do this and that and we're like "nah, we aint good enough, this is meant for those overachievers etc etc"

how often is it that we short change ourselves by deluding ourselves in accepting that "not good" IS good enough for us? "we're not gonna do well anyway, so might as well skip the study" how often is it we joke about this statement, i'm guilty of saying that at least a thousand times by now, but do we realise that this joke we make, is subsciously affecting our life attitude gradually. unnoticeably?

for the non believers, its a matter of you deserving more for urself, u aint gonna wanna turn back and regret that u screwed up cos u were Okay with what was NOT okay.

and for the christians, God deserves more from US dont you think? by shining, we are glorifying God in all that we do, by striving, we are magnifying him in all that we feel. think about it.

2008-06-22T17:27:00.002+08:00

tml is terms(exams)! yay, i dunno whats with jc, or whether its a mind thing or sth, but its getting to me alot harder than secondary school or whatever major exams i've done before.

lol maybe its cos i know its time to grow up, and period of 2,3 years is the bridge between the kids and the adults and before i know it, i'm gonna be running alongside grown ups where mistakes are scarcely tolerated.

i've planned bad this hols, i must admit, if i do badly, its all gonna be my fault, lol starting on tuesday last week of the hols isnt exactly the best way to show my father i am mature and i can handle my studies.lol.

to think i even went out the ENTIRE day on thursday and friday and i went to play soccer at jerome's hse on saturday NIGHT! lol. but there aint no regret in my dictionary, life is meant to be enjoyed, sure, not at the expense of my studies, i MAY have overdone it abit here. lol.

God helps those who help themselves.

but of course thats not the reason im blogging now, its the last day of the hols, and i got bored while studying, so here i am chilling. lol

my SAJC j2 cousin just called my mum and said he got converted and wants to be baptised. wow. lol pleasantly surprised. shall keep him in prayer. and my brother, and my grandparents, and the many many friends i have(yes im talking to YOU, whoever you are who's reading this lol) who havent experienced the hope and peace Jesus gives. man u aint got nth to lose man, taste it and u will never want to return to ur old life ever again. its DA bomb.

i was just talking to jerome about how we're growing up so fast, in a couple of years time, max 10 to 15, at least 3/4 of the people we know will be getting married, we'll be getting jobs, but we dont even need to look that far to be worried about our lives, our friends will be getting scholarships to go universities, some wont even get into a Uni and there aint gonna be time for us to sit down and sun tan, its all gonna move fast. too fast.

growing up is such a chore, sure i wanna grow up, get a house, settle down, do bigger, greater things for God, probably become a youth leader, have a family, man thats darn exciting, but the things you lose along with growing up, i dont even wanna start listing, it'll spill over.

way way too much.

God works in surprising ways. he really does.
life is great! it REALLY is.

2008-06-20T00:05:00.001+08:00

check out this video my bro showed me. lol. awesomeness cute.